Struggling with a decision

[Mystrose]

So, I’m almost finished with two weeks of my therapy program. Six hours a day of intensive group therapy. We have Psych Education and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skill learning. The therapy’s main goals are to teach me how to live in the moment, develop healthy ways to cope with stress, regulate my emotions, and improve my relationships with others. Also, learning about my diagnosis, med management, self-care, self-compassion etc.

Most of the DBT skills are hard for me to understand, but I am starting to understand the skill Radical Acceptance. It’s when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren’t going the way you want them to, and to let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering.

There have been many challenges while I’ve been there. Trusting the counselors and the other patients, the transportation and my house is falling apart. I’m also missing being in the Heart Support streams and weekday SWAT groups. I miss all of you and intrusive thoughts creep in telling me I’ll be forgotten and replaced. Of course, I have no evidence of this happening. It’s just really hard to fight off those thoughts when you have a sever fear of abandonment and rejection.

I was told that the program is 2 weeks long, but it’s really 3 weeks long and at the end of it I have the choice to extend it to 90 days. I meet with my social worker to see if they think I can benefit from staying and if everyone agrees they will extend it. I really want to stay for the whole 90 days, but it’s so exhausting and I feel like I’m neglecting my home life. My house is suffering and my boyfriend is left to fend for himself.

Last night, we had a discussion about all this. He wants me to do the whole 90-days as well. Since we’ve been together, I’ve done 99% of the house work and all of the cooking. I’ve been struggling these past two weeks even more than usual with depression and exhaustion. Having fibromyalgia and all this extra stuff is really wearing me down and I’m not sure how to manage it. Fibro makes you have pain, feel sick and very, very tired (along with a ton of other not fun symptoms). So, by the time I get home, I just can’t do anything else.

The past two weeks he has taken care of the cats and done a few house cleaning things that I asked him to do and I appreciate it so much, but I told him I need help with more things. I feel so horrible for asking him to do more because he isn’t fully recovered from his surgery. He said he would do his best for me and I believe him, but I still feel like I’m asking too much of him.

I hate this.

I wish I could just believe him when he says he can handle it.

So, anyway a little bit of an update and I could use some encouragement because I really want to do this, but paranoia and doubts are in the way.

[Sapphire]

Hi Mystrose, thanks for the update.

@Mystrose

miss all of you and intrusive thoughts creep in telling me I’ll be forgotten and replaced. Of course, I have no evidence of this happening.

I can only speak for myself on this obviously, but you have been an irreplaceable source of support for me during my pregnancy and after and I honestly can’t thank you enough. You taking time away to better yourself makes me proud of you - I have no negative feelings and I look forward to hearing further updates. No way will I forget about you and you can’t be replaced.

@Mystrose

So, anyway a little bit of an update and I could use some encouragement because I really want to do this, but paranoia and doubts are in the way.

I think this comes down to what is best for you in the long run. I have seen your post and had a glimpse into your struggles. If you feel you want to stay for the 90 days then you should definitely do it. It may be hard on your boyfriend for a bit, but it won’t last forever, and you stand to gain some valuable life skills from the experience. Sometimes we are faced with these decisions where the future seems scary and I’ve learned that those paths often have the best outcomes once you get past the initial fear and doubt.

I say go for it. I will always be here in the background cheering you on. Nothing worth having is easy.

[Ashwell]

Hi Rosie
First of all I am so glad you feel there has been progress made towards you feeling better. Mindfulness is an important part of todays psychology and therapy. It is all about being present and not living in the future or the past. I am glad that they are teaching you that skill. When it comes to the 90 days deal I am happy so see that even though it is hard and exhausting for you , you still want to continue. It is good to invest timeand energy in your health.I understand your concern about your household and Greg but you really havebeen there for him when he needed you and now he is there for you. There is nothing wrong with asking for support when we need it from our loved ones. The only think Iam worried about is if the 90 day program might be too intense and exhausting for you but if you feel like you can make it then its great. Remember that you can also finish at any point you dont feel comfortable or that it is detramental to your health. I really hope it will work out though. We are here for you Rosie and no you will NEVER be replaced

[Sita]

@Mystrose

but it’s so exhausting

• it is exhausting, and you will have to see whether it reaches a point of preventing you from gaining any overall benefits.

and I feel like I’m neglecting my home life.

• this is a feeling, is it reflected in facts? Greg sounds happy to have yo attend it, it’s like having a job that you go to everyday, and in this case the job is learning new skills and therapy. Sounds like a long-term investment in yourself, which will then benefit your partner and your general circle.

My house is suffering and my boyfriend is left to fend for himself.
-Maybe this is a growth opportunity fir Greg as well, to see what new tasks he likes, maybe he discovers he likes to prepare one or two meals! Given that you usually do so much, it will be weird to give up a bit of the control you’re used to over things, and he may do them a bit differently, but that degree of flexibility in the relationship sounds like a positive.

• “Asking too much of him” - if you let him know that you need him to let you know if he’s getting overwhelmed, then he will. He could possibly enjoy it, and he knows that you’re going to benefits from doing the 90 days.

Go for it friend, it will be a bit hard, and you will feel a bit guilty about the shifting responsibility in the relationship, but maybe these are all good things to explore now!

[Andy]

Hi hs friend

I miss seeing u in HS streams too I’m sure the others do as well. But one thing is for sure u will never EVER be forgotten or replaced here. U have been talked about alot in recent streams so ik the community misses u there have even been people leaving u positive messages for when u watch the vods. So even tho ur not physically there ur still there trust me.

I for one will never forget about u. We are all rooting for ya during this time ur in therapy and we want nothing but the best for u. I really hope that it’s helping u even tho the adjustment period is a bit stressful. I’m also sure that dispite ur husband recovering from surgery. He still really wants to help u the best he can.

U got this
Andy

[Mystrose]

@Sapphire @Sita @Ashwell @Andy

Thank you my friends for all the lovely support and encouraging words.

I do want to try this and I can stop whenever I need to they told me and come back when I want to. It’s pretty open for me.

I was laying in bed this morning and thinking about this some more. This could be really good practice for Greg and when I finally decide to have my foot surgery, he’ll be ready to jump right in taking care of things. I know he is capable and I’ve been very impressed with the help he’s given me so far. I think I just need to trust and have more faith in him. His memory disability makes it hard for him to retain new things, so he needs to be shown how to do things over and over till he remembers. So, this is harder than a normal circumstance.