Struggling with failure

I’m struggling with constant despair of failure in my life. My marriage is failing, my financial wellbeing as well as my house are failing, I’m failing as a father, brother and son. Add to it my failures at work may hurt us on an inspection. I can’t handle it anymore. I’m so freaking embarrassed about myself. Everyday I wake up hoping for a new day and I continual get plumed all day. The look on my wife’s face,makes me want to cry cause I’ve let her down so badly. I’ve got nowhere to go from here. Lots of people say that life would be better with them, well in this case it be true. My wife wouldn’t have walked into a second shitty relationship and maybe she meets someone else that can parent her two child better. So far 3 lives ruined and add to it my two son. He doesn’t deserve any of this but I’ve placed him in the middle of a shitstorm. He deserves a better dad than I ever could be. The decision really pains me cause everytime my son smiles at me I cry. Tears of joy cause he is gonna be a special person and tears of sadness cause I won’t be around to see it

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Hi @wbriganti welcome to HeartSupport! I am glad you found us. It takes courage to open up about your feelings and I am proud of you for doing so.

The way you write about your son, that you have tears of joy of him being special and tears of sadness about him not growing up with you tells me you are a wonderful dad that loves his son very much.
I am not sure I am interpreting it the right way, but it seems you might be planning to take your own life. If that is the case, please reach out to crisis resources: Crisis Resources | HeartSupport

I think you are not a failure. You are considerate towards others and care so much about them it makes you cry. This tells me you are a lovely person, you are just not seeing it yourself.
If you feel comfortable enough to share, do you know why you are feeling so down?
Did something happen at work or in your home situation?

I wish there was more I could say to you. For now all I know is that you are valuable, and you matter!
Hold fast, I am rooting for you

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Hi,
It was a combination of events. I woke up to my once car finally needing the tire repaired and the other car has no gas. I currently has negative 40 dollars in my account. i had to call my parents for help, which they did but I still owe them a large sum of money. I have no idea how to pay that back. at work, there is an audit being conducted on my company and they are looking at specific information that I was sole person responsible for. It’s mostly all accounted for but there are some discrepancies. If the auditor catches them it could be real bad. at home, my wife and oldest had a fight again. My wife keeps telling me that i dont support her enough during these fights and that’s why he feel entitled. I also didnt communicate to her that I was asking my parents for financial help. I’m a failure at work, I’m a failure with my finances, I have failed as being a parent to the two oldest stepsons evident by their behavior, i failed as a husband. There is no reason to believe that I will be a good father to my son. My son would be better off without me in his life.

Hi friend,

Thanks so much for sharing here. Man I bet it feels like you’re a lightweight boxer and life is a heavy weight and you’re just getting pummeled in the ring. Like everytime you try to get back up another punch comes. Gas money PUNCH, an audit at work PUNCH, your relationship with your wife PUNCH. And it’s getting harder and harder to get back up after all these hits. You just want it to STOP and there is a part of you that believes not only would it be easier for you to stop fighting but it would be better for everyone around you if you did as well. It’s a place of deep deep pain to feel like everytime you try you fail. That your BEST intentions don’t mean a thing. I feel for you. It sounds exhausting, especially because all you want is to be a good dad and husband, and there’s this voice that tells you “what’s wrong with me, it shouldn’t be that hard to just be a good dad and husband” and yet it IS, and that makes it feel even worse. I feel for you friend. I’ve been in a place where I feel like everystep I take is the wrong one, and the world would be better if I wasn’t in it, I know how alluring it can be. The truth is that when I read your post, the overwhelming feeling I got was dang, this is a man who really cares about his family. He loves them SOOOO MUCH, and I can tell you that love is worth more than you’re giving it credit for. That without you, there will be a hole in your sons life that will never be filled. The negative absence of your love will FAR outweigh and positives absences of failure from his life. It’s not even close. I know that your son would want you to keep fighting, your wife too. They would be devestated if you were gone, not better off. I’m grateful you reached out here. I’m not sure if you have a plan to take your life, but if you do I am begging you text HOME to 741741 (crisis textline) or check out these resources: [Crisis Resources | HeartSupport]. I’m sending you love and I hope you’ll stay.

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Thank you so much for your kind words. Reading through your response was world changing. I will keep battling for my son. You saved me from doing something stupid. Thank you

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