I wanted to reach out because I have been really struggling these past few weeks. I just feel lost and I feel like I have no clue what I am doing in life.
Right now I am in school and it is taking a toll on me. I am trying to balance school, while being a husband and providing for my family. However, thks has been more difficult than I could have imagined. I am falling behind and I feel overwhelmed by everything in life.
I do not have a good coping mechanism. I have found myself binge drinking to deal with the stress and other outlets that I am not proud of. I feel like a failure and I feel like I have no vision or path forward. I feel like I cannot hear God through this and I feel like I am in a dark tunnel with no light trying to find my way out.
Since moving to a new state last year, a lot of my past that I thought I conquered has come back with a hateful vengeance. There are a lot of things I am not proud of that keep popping up in my head and what drives me down further is the hatred I have myself. I don’t know how to forgive myself and really be okay with who I am.
I know it is important to get through this. I want to do this for my wife and my family, so I can be there for them and not be held back by my own hate for myself.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.
I am so glad you reached out and also sorry that you are struggling so much at the moment. Its certainly clear how hard you are trying, there are people here that use a quote a lot and I will use it here “you can’t drink from an empty cup” working too much to make things good sometimes is counterproductive as just as you feel now you become exhausted, overwhelmed and as you say lost. There is only ever so much you can do to keep you and everyone else happy and contented and if that means cutting back or down on certain things then perhaps that is a consideration that needs to be made, yes you are a husband and family man and thats wonderful but you are also a human being and with that comes all the feelings you describe of which none are weaknesses or faliures of which you should feel guilt of self hatred for.
If you have issues or problems in the past that were at a time that you were out of control in your life these thoughts and actions will raise their head when you feel out of control again, its the nature of the beast, the difference now is that whatever you did back then, now you are writing about it here on a support wall not doing it, that my friend is amazing. That is something to look at yourself and be proud of.
It is important to get through this you are absolutely right, its very important for lots of reasons but the most important reason is you, to end the self hatred so that you can lead a good life a happier life, a more contented life with the lovely family you have together, YOU deserve that. I would encourage you to perhaps seek some outside help perhaps therapy if you can either a general talk thereapist or one that specialises in whatever your situation is and even have a chat with the councellers and tutors at the school and let them know you are struggling and that you may need to slow down a little.
Please post here as much as you need too. You are important and loved. Thank you again for posting.
thank you so much for reaching out to us.
you did a great frist step to write hear, to open up about your struggles. that shows your courage and
strength that you are willing to go trough it. be sure, we will always here for you, you matter.
feeling overwhelmed with you life and everything is to much, i think that a lot of people can relate to
that, me also. life is hard. you are still there for your family, you also want to do that for them, this is
truly amazing. so now you also should give yourself some self care, you deserve it.
considering a therapy or a self help group would be something you can do. it would be another step in
the right direction, also one of our Action Groups could be something you could do, you learn a lot about
yourself and work with little goals processing in the direction you want to go.
little steps matter most, be aware of that also, little things like a short meditation or breathing, a walk
outside. do things that you love, with the people that you love.
you deserve that, you matter Friend, have a nice day and feel hugged,
thank you for sharing with us and being here. It definitely sounds like the stress of balancing work life piled up with the stress of having those intrusive thoughts are taking a massive toll on you.
I know sometimes for myself if I take on too much, I find that I spiral. I was binge drinking as well which led to me over thinking which led to those same thoughts about guilt and self hatred.
it takes hard work to keep reminding ourselves that we aren’t the person who made those actions back then.
perhaps you and your wife can sit down and write out some realistic expectations of how you both want to handle every day life while you’re studying. Have you both got enough time to balance being together, having alone time, time for house chores ect? All very important for mental health. I find structure to be the best when I’m overwhelmed and if the plan is set out in front of me, I don’t have to stress about thinking where to start and how to fit it all in.
I would encourage you to maybe even find someone to talk to during these moments. Maybe it’s just for this season and you’ll have that input that speaks to silence the intrusive thoughts. You deserve that.