Struggling with frustration and anger

I feel like I struggle daily with issues of frustration, anger, self loathing and anxiety. By all accounts, I have an amazing life. I have a career that I am successful in and passionate about, I have a wife who loves me and a young son who I love and adore. However I feel like every day I find myself becoming frustrated or even angry at the most trivial situations. I lash out at my wife verbally, or draw back and distance myself emotionally from her and others. I see a therapist a few times a month which has been helping, but not completely. I consider myself to be a self aware person, and I’ve shown myself that I can pin point what the problems are that I have, but I just can’t seem to manage the physical feelings of frustration and anger that constantly manifest. I find myself acting bitter and cynical and i can’t figure out why. I feel so stuck because I’m causing toxicity in my marriage. I find myself thinking, “why can’t I just be a calm person” or “why do these things bother me so much”. I’ve struggled for a long time with caring what others think of me, wanting to be perfect, wanting to be good enough but not ever feeling like I am. I just feel like it’s always one step forward and two steps back with these issues. I’ve never written something like this and even though I know it’s anonymous, I’m having anxiety about posting for fear of judgment. It’s like I’m programmed to feel this way and nothing will change that. I’m becoming scared that I’m driving a wedge between my wife and I and if the toxic behavior continues, our marriage could end, and I feel like I’m too afraid to admit that a divorce might be the right answer. Im so unsure about all of it and I’m so inside my head and struggling with it.

I just wanted to thank you for posting. Anxiety and irritability can be one of the hardest struggles because a lot of times there isn’t a quick fix or rational reason. Please know your feelings are very valid and that people on here can offer some great support and alot of people struggle with anxiety. Something that I’m working on right now that has been helping is staying curious when these emotions come up. For me I realized I hold everything in and than judge every emotion I have harshly and than end up exploding. I’m learning to know it’s ok to have these emotions and to sit with them and not bury them it’s still hard but I can see a difference. Is there anyway you could see your counselor more often? Also, something that sometimes helps is when I feel really angry going for a walk, or driving and listening to music. Finding a sunset or clouds or lightning just distracting my mind for a little and than once incalm down try to figure out what caused the emotion. Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I’m sorry it’s affecting your marriage. It’s sounds hard and I hope things get better. My husband has been through a lot with my anger and anxiety but hasnt given up on me. It’s taken work but it’s possible to work things out. Hope you can find some ways to release some of this emotions in healthy ways and find some peace.

Believe me I have a high stress environment with certain people and having to tolerate other people’s bad behavior. Have you thought about getting a punching bag or doing some form of martial arts? That helps me out a lot and also writing down your thoughts and feelings, venting in shouting or yelling from the top of your lungs It helps me a lot to relief stress. I hope it helps.