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Struggling With My Demons


#1

So, I, um, I haven’t posted here on my own topic yet, but… yeah.

So, I struggled with self-harm, cutting specifically, for years. I stopped almost three years ago (my anniversary is right around the corner, and I’m really looking forward to it), and I’ve sworn to myself that if I go 9 years without taking a blade to my skin, I’ll allow myself to get a tattoo I really want.

But recently I discovered I’ve traded one addiction for another. I had to go to Physical Therapy for a shoulder injury I have, and I was prescribed ibuprofen. I was taking them, and it was helping a lot.

Two nights ago, I was talking with my best friend, and I realized I was abusing. It started off gradually, but I went from 2 pills twice a day to 6 pills 3 times a day. I don’t weigh nearly enough to justify that, and I’ve been out of Physical Therapy for a month. I still need the ibuprofen for inflammation in my shoulder, but I know I can’t use that as an excuse. I know I’m destroying my stomach lining (I’m already getting acid reflux) and I need to stop, and I’m trying, but it’s really hard.

My best friend is trying to convince me to talk to my mom, and I know I need to, but I’m terrified.

I know I just traded one addiction for another, and what scares me is knowing that even if I quit cold turkey on the ibuprofen (I haven’t had any in 48 hours), I might go to something else that I might initially think is harmless. I’m trying to get better, but right now I’m just stuck.


#2

Hey, thank you for opening up and sharing. I know you feel terrified but just simply posting about this shows a lot of courage, and it means a lot.

That’s amazing that you haven’t self harmed in that amount of time, make a post when you anniversary comes, I want to celebrate with you!

You’re right by identifying the new problem, even though the old one has passed; and you’re already opening up to people about what’s going on which is great. Talking to your mom could be the pivotal point in which you get the help you need and start moving past this. So, I know you’re scared. It’s a scary thing. But by doing scary things even though they’re scary, we end up becoming stronger than we were before. You have the courage, you’re strong enough to do it, I believe in you.
Whatever the outcome may be, you will always have a home here. Remember that you are loved and you matter.

Hang in there friend,
Jaden


#3

Hi Abi!

Thank you so much for opening up on here. I hope we can bring you some hope for the addiction you are currently struggling with. Like your friend said, I’d really encourage you to talk to your mom. It can be really scary, but if you hurt yourself by taking too much iboprofun that would be even scarier. Your mom might be able to help you with this. Keeping this inside isn’t healthy and it’s better to let others in. I think you made a brave step coming here, but talking to your mom is also an important step. (If she is safe to talk to of course).

But also, I’m so proud of you for being 3 years clean self harm. That’s really amazing. It can be hard to be down on yourself when you think that you just switched how you hurt yourself. But I believe that you are worthy and you deserve to have a life free from any addiction. We believe in you and we are here for you.

Love,
Cassie


#4

Thank you for sharing. I feel like it was amazing that you have found out that you are using these drugs in a harmful way despite you needing them. The suggestion to tell you mom is probably the best thing. You should talk to her and talk to her about being the person who gives you dosages. I had troubles sleeping in the past and recently I got melatonin. I have my Fiancee as my dose giver. He hides the bottle from me when I ask and he makes sure that I take the same amount every time I ask. It’s going to be hard to confront her but you need someone to rely on. If she cannot ask a friend. I believe you can get over this.


#5

Abi - Reaching out and recognizing patterns is important and brave. You are on the right track. There are safer natural alternatives (e.g., turmeric) but that isn’t the true issue. The issue is using substance to numb pain. You are shedding light on the dark places and that is a great step forward! You’ve already been fighting this battle and are aware of avoidance tactics.

None of us should overuse a substance or an activity to adjust emotions… It’s hard and has become so socially “normal” to celebrate and mourn with certain activities and/or substances… (Eating, drinking, etc) But that doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for all of us. We have to take control for ourselves.

What I love that you’ve done is that you’ve named and admitted your temptations. It’s NOT the pill, it’s NOT the tool that you used to self harm, it’s the thinking process that is misfiring and confusing you about the true reality of who YOU REALLY ARE and HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO THE WORLD! YES YOU!

Message me any time.

Jessica (caffeinatedslothart)


#6

Thank you, all. I have talked to my mother, and she was rather blunt with me, which what I needed.

I’m off the ibuprofen. I’m not taking it anymore. My mom is an advocate for essential oils and other natural remedies, so I asked her what she suggested for pain management, and I’ve started using those much more. They’ve been largely helping for the pain, and I haven’t had acid reflux since I stopped. I’m nearing 3 days now. I’ve also put the ibuprofen on the back of the top shelf of the pantry, which cannot be reached unless I climb up the shelves or grab a chair, which is more effort than I want to put in.

Thank you, all. This really helped me gain the courage I needed to talk to my mother. Thank you. And @Jaden I will make a post when my anniversary rolls around. :slight_smile:


#7

@AbiAdams Here is our response from our live stream on Twitch. Hold Fast.


#8

I started crying while watching this. Thank you so much. Thank you.

I am trying. I am working on it. And, I will post on my anniversary, because you were right: I was feeling like I didn’t have a right to celebrate my anniversary, but now I’m going to. I’ll make a post, I’ll even post a picture of my arm, now free of scars. I need to let myself celebrate.

Thank you. Thank you so much.