Really struggling with my thoughts tonight. I don’t want to end my life . I just want what I am going through to stop. I feel like there is never a break and nothing good happens. Since 2020 I have lost around 12 friends and family that passed away. My uncle and grandma are both having heart failure right now. My grandma was the person who raised me . Doesn’t feel like I am loosing a grandma but more like a parent . I am struggling to find a new job that
uses my college degree. I graduated in 2020 and haven’t found that dream job . I am 25 and still living at home with my parents. I feel like nothing will get better and feel helpless and nothing will ever get better
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@Carseaj
Hey Friend, I am so sorry that you have been struggling, Losing anyone you love incredibly hard but to lose “around 12” in 2 years must feel unbelieveable and I am so very sorry for the losses you have had and of course it is completely understandable that if feels like there is no break because you have spent most half of the last two years in the early stages of grief for someone and anyone would find that a struggle.
I am also very sorry to read of both your Grandma and Uncle having heart faliure, that is frightening for all concerned. You do have a lot going on.
With regards to trying to manage all grief of all the people you have lost and the fear os losing your Grandma, I honestly think that some grief councelling might be useful to you, if may help to compartmentalise your thoughts and fears so that you can deal with them whilst you spend quality time with your grandmother and work on the job hunting.
I obviously do not know what your choice of career is however congratulations on graduating, since then you have lived in an unprecedented time where very little has happened the way things “normally” do life was put on hold and its still not back to normal yet. It truly sucks that your graduating fell right at this time, I see why it feels helpless but things are getting there, things are improving and hopefully at some point finding work will become easier and so will moving forward and doing what you want with your life.
I can see why these thoughts go through your mind,but when these thoughts come please try to remember that you are safe, you are doing your best, you are loved and things really will get better because when you are at the bottom there is only one way and that is up and you are not alone.
Much Love
Lisalovesfeathers 
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I’m sorry that you’re losing people around you and I can understand how that feels. I held it in for so long it consumed me, so I hope you talk to someone and get that support around you.
There’s nothing wrong with living at home I don’t think. It doesn’t determine how successful in life you are or will be and it doesn’t add or subtract value to life. Some people can save easier that way until they can afford their own place. Plus being at home is probably not such a bad thing when you’ve been losing a lot of people. Maybe you can find some comfort in each other.
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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi Carseaj, I’m sorry that you’re struggling with things right now and that you’ve lost so many people recently. That’s a lot of grief to be dealing with. Have you seen a therapist to help you process all this? It’s a lot to have to cope with alone. I think the pandemic your job struggle, I hope that things settling down now will change that for you and you can find that dream job. Things never stay the same. Take care! ~Mystrose
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Hello there,
What’s your dream job? My dream job was helping others, but I wasn’t quite sure what that looked like. It took some trial and error. At one point, I thought I wanted to become a journalist…but I learned rather quickly that it wasn’t for me. I worked from home for almost three years and then ventured out to seek out what I was meant to do. It took a long while, but I truly believe that I finally landed on what I was meant to do.
Give it time. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace.
You are valid. You are amazing. You are strong. You are enough. You matter.
-StarFox 
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From: Rohini_868
Oh friend,I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. That;s almost unimaginable pain, and I do hope that you can access therapy to help you process your grief and loss. So many of us are still working on getting back on our feet after the world wide craziness, and so I hope you are gentle with yourself while you’re at home. I hope that you and your parents can share some meaningful time together as well. Glad you’re here with us, and I do hope that the coming months can bring you some peace and coping with all the pain you’ve felt. You’ve loved!
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From: Aardvark
Hello Carseaj, i am so sorry to hear that. Would a therapy a thing to do for you ? Loosing people, and of course people you love is always hard. My grandma passed away last year, she also raised me most of the time when i was a kid. She was lying in hospital a long time and it was hard seeing her that way. Finally loosing her hit me hard. Strugging with finding a job is also hard, but im optimistic you find one. Stay strong my friend, it will get better and times will change. Feel hugged and Greetings
sorry to hear this, keep your head up and be strong in 10 years your going to be glad life turned out the way it did because those challanges would have helped you become a better person just give it time and be patient with yourself its gonna get better I promise
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