I will preface this post by noting I live in a very small place with a fairly small community. Everyone knows everything about eachother, no matter how introverted you are. That said, theres been rumors going around about some intimate encounters I had this year after not too long breaking off from a relationship that wasn’t going well.
Ive since rekindled the flame of that relationship but now that these rumors are going around, it has driven a wedge between us. Im feeling unheard, judged and mishandled whenever the conversation arises. I love this guy and I want him to be proud to be with me but I feel like I have tarnished things by making the wrong choices whilst we werent together.
I have been fully honest when asked questions regarding the situations but I still feel as though I have to explain away things that never even took place and now everything is blown out of proportion and makes it harder for him to believe me.
And knowing what I’ve done, it also makes it all the more difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror everyday and say that the person staring back at me is one I’m proud of…
Its truly heartbreaking and I feel like im grappling at strings just to be taken seriously and trusted.