Struggling with self harm urges

Hi! My name is Heidi, I have been through some much in my life time. Sexual abuse, emotionaly abuse, mentally abuse. I have been in recovery from self harm for almost two years in June. I am just feeling like right now that if being in recovery is still worth it. I just don’t understand why God took my parents away from me in a 2 month period without be able to understand why they did not prevent the abuse from happening to me. I feel abandoned alone and afriad. Someone out there please say a prayer for me and let me know that recovery is still possible.


I will add you to my intentions tonight. I don’t know what those urges are like but I do know that recovery is always possible. I am a janitor in a Chemical Dependency Rehabilitation Facility (a lot of words in a single sentence to just say rehab). I have seen people go from near death’s door to a complete zeal for life.

I just don’t understand why God took my parents away from me in a 2 month period without be able to understand why they did not prevent the abuse from happening to me.

Sometimes we have to go through life without knowing all the answers. Sadly, this is one of those instances. Not knowing the full extent of your abuse nor knowing your parents I don’t think I am equipped to give you further advice. Is there someone who can? Are you in therapy?

You are not alone. No one is ever truly alone. Reaching out here was the best thing for you to do. Because on this forum you will find people who are willing to help. You are not alone. God and us will not abandon you.

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Prayers coming your way. You have suffered so much, and those around you didn’t give you the love and support that you needed. I don’t know what happened with your parents, but it might be that they simply could not accept in their minds what happened to you. In other words, their brains simply could not process the information.

Stay in recovery! Pick up your phone and dial 211, if you don’t have access to someone who can help you. Those people are pretty good at guiding callers toward the help they need.

You have suffered, felt confused and abandoned, yet you are still here and doing your best. That is indeed very heroic!

Yes, recovery is possible. You have already proven that for almost 2 years.

This is a turning point in your life. You have changed as a result of your circumstances, but you have the power to choose how to react to those changes. You have gained a great deal of insight and wisdom.

Self harm, physical harm, was a coping strategy two years ago. Something unexpected and tragic happened, which triggered the urge to fall back into an old pattern. That urge can be more easily defeated, as you have plenty of experience in doing so.

Recovery is possible, but it also may need to be a continuing process.

I hope you find someone to help you get through this, even if it means repeat 211 calls.

There are compassionate listeners here as well, and often while sharing your story with such people, you gain more understanding of yourself, which makes it easier to avoid being triggered.

Hang in there! We love you!

Thanks for replyiong. I am in therapy now with a Therapist named Kelly and I work great with her.

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