I feel like someone is there. I have to sweep any room to make sure. But maybe it’s not bad if they hurt me because I want to hurt me. I just can’t. Cause I don’t know how. How can I cut myself with something in my bedroom? How can I break or paralyze a body part? How can I make myself sick? I want to know how to be hurt. Because I’m sick of nothing. It’s been a year since anything. And I want something new to happen to me. I want to be diseased. Just how do I do it?
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Hey @anon48571861,
May I ask if there is someone with you were you are right now, or are you alone?
It sounds that you are going through a stressful/distressful time, and it would be good to have someone safe by your side right now. If you can, I’d like to encourage you to reach out to a friend or family member who could be there for you. Just so they could reassure you and be a safe presence while you are processing those thoughts and emotions.
Otherwise, you don’t deserve any harm, friend. Please stay away from anything harmful for now, and call a crisis line if you feel like you’re about to hurt yourself in any way. You deserve to be safe.
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I am at school right now. I’m alone. I couldn’t talk to anyone because I already know how it would go. 1, they wouldn’t believe or think it was an unfunny prank or 2, the more likely situation, my mom would worry day and night about me hoping I am okay and my dad would take it out on me, get mad at me for not talking before, because things are already to far in and when I try to pull back from when I’m in so deep I get punished. But I want to pull back. So I have to make it look like it’s not my fault. If I’m hurt or sick or something like that I get the sweet relief of escape knowing that I don’t have to feel the pain put on me. I just need something to happen because things are falling apart exponentially fast and I don’t think I will last the next 5 years. I just need something to happen so people will care and bring us closer together, because this so called thing that we need to do it tearing us apart. I’m trying to save my family but someone has to sacrifice for it and I want to do that to help and because I need something new. It’s not that I am trying to hurt myself because I feel like I deserve it, it’s that others don’t deserve it. And a little pain now can be a big realization that can save my and others future. But if not, I’m afraid I won’t have a future. I know it’s weird to say but harm helps me more than it harms…
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1, they wouldn’t believe or think it was an unfunny prank or 2, the more likely situation, my mom would worry day and night about me hoping I am okay and my dad would take it out on me, get mad at me for not talking before, because things are already to far in and when I try to pull back from when I’m in so deep I get punished.
I’m really sorry to hear that. You don’t deserve to be punished for struggling. It’s not your fault if you’re going through a rough time. But I hear you. In these circumstances, reaching out to your family might not be the best option. I want you to know that you’re not alone though. Just right here, you have friends who genuinely care about you. I’m grateful for you and I’m glad that you’re here.
I just need something to happen so people will care and bring us closer together, because this so called thing that we need to do it tearing us apart. I’m trying to save my family but someone has to sacrifice for it and I want to do that to help and because I need something new.
Would you like to describe a little more what’s going on? That sounds like a heavy responsibility on your shoulders. What is affecting your family these days that requires you to save it?
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