Stuck in my head and the house

[fiji]

How pathetic am I?
Very, would be my answer…

Last night we got the news that we are practically under house arrest until the whole covid19 situation is under control. Everything (besides grocery stores, pharmacies, and very few other things) is closed and we shouldn’t leave the house unless it is absolutely necessary.

That isn’t so much the problem, also the virus itself doesn’t scare me or anything, but my anxiety is breaking all records.

Last night, I was laying in my bed, crying and panicking because I didn’t know what to do.
I was scared of the unknown and the things that might happen in the next days and the many restrictions that are to come (even though none of them actually are a big deal or limit me in my daily life).
I sat there and I panicked about being alive, about what I will do if it gets really bad in my head again and what I can do to stop it, because honestly, it is already pretty bad up in here.

I sat there and I couldn’t sleep.
I sat there and I was crying and going crazy in the dark.

Only when the lights were turned on, I was able to calm down, so last night, I slept with a night light.
21 years of age, but not able to sleep without the lights on.

I felt like a baby and I still feel stupid about it, knowing that tonight the same with will happen most likely again.

My heart is racing and I feel so lost. Thoughts of all kinds of nature are having a popularity contest inside my brain, but all of them seem to win.
The question „what in the world are you going to do when you go crazy with your family being the only people you can see and what are you going to do when your suicidal thoughts are established again?“ tortures me and my anxiety loves the attention, but it is killing me.

I don’t know what to do.
I need help, but I literally cannot go anywhere.

[anon17277947]

@fiji

How pathetic am I?
Very, would be my answer…

Absolutely not. You are NOT pathetic. Be nice to your self friend!

@fiji

Last night we got the news that we are practically under house arrest until the whole covid19 situation is under control. Everything (besides grocery stores, pharmacies, and very few other things) is closed and we shouldn’t leave the house unless it is absolutely necessary.

Yea, it’s been really rough lately. A lot of things are being shut down, shelves are being depleted. My partner was released from work till further notice. Job recruitment has been paused so he can’t do that. Everyone is just kinda suggested to stay home right now so that we together around the globe can stay safe and prevent anymore spread. It’s definitely been stressful but it is for the better good. <3

@fiji

That isn’t so much the problem, also the virus itself doesn’t scare me or anything, but my anxiety is breaking all records.

Last night, I was laying in my bed, crying and panicking because I didn’t know what to do.
I was scared of the unknown and the things that might happen in the next days and the many restrictions that are to come (even though none of them actually are a big deal or limit me in my daily life).
I sat there and I panicked about being alive, about what I will do if it gets really bad in my head again and what I can do to stop it, because honestly, it is already pretty bad up in here.

I sat there and I couldn’t sleep.
I sat there and I was crying and going crazy in the dark.

I am 100% there with you. Last night my best friend and I sat talking together. Neither one of us are panicking like a lot of people. We are just trying to be realistic. We are taking the precautions we need. But we both carry so much anxiety because we don’t know how worried we should be. Like you said, the unknown. It’s hard knowing how things are going to play out, and it’s anxiety inducing when our income is being put on hold. It’s normal to feel anxious, friend. But I think it’s also important like my friend and I discussed last night that we don’t let it run our lives. In the sense we don’t let it escalate our mental health. There are a lot of ways this is out of our control. The best thing to do is, do what you ARE in control of, and just rest assured that you will be okay. <3 You’re in your home. You’re in a safe place. You have your family. And you have a community here who loves you <3

@fiji

Only when the lights were turned on, I was able to calm down, so last night, I slept with a night light.
21 years of age, but not able to sleep without the lights on.

I felt like a baby and I still feel stupid about it, knowing that tonight the same with will happen most likely again.

Hey, Ive been there. Being 21 and needing the light on to bring you comfort does NOT make you a baby. I have little evening lights that I can use. And lights over my windows. They’re really pretty. Sometimes when my anxiety is high or it’s storming, I use them. Don’t beat up on yourself so much. It’s okay to need these things.

@fiji

The question „what in the world are you going to do when you go crazy with your family being the only people you can see and what are you going to do when your suicidal thoughts are established again?“ tortures me and my anxiety loves the attention, but it is killing me.

I don’t know what to do.
I need help, but I literally cannot go anywhere.

Deep breath friend. You are loved and valued. You are cared for. Things are really rough right now and things are a little chaotic around the globe, but things are going to be okay. You are okay <3 Don’t let your brain drown you. My partner has to often remind me to just take a deep breath and step back because sometimes I can kinda sit and spin on my worries and it just escalates and stresses me out. Sounds like maybe you might be doing something similar. You got this, love. What do you do? You reach out here like you are doing. Or on the discord <3 Where there are a lot of people who can relate to everything you are feeling. Embrace the community, friends and family you have here and know that you are not alone.

We’re all here together.

hugs

[Lin]

You’re okay to be thinking about all the different possibilities. I do believe it’s good to be aware of what’s going on and there are some people who still aren’t taking all of this with any level of seriousness; it’s baffling. As for you, continue to be as plugged into community as you can. If you have some friends you’re able to talk to via phone or messenger of some kind, do so. If there are family members you haven’t talked to for a while, I think it’s a good time to connect with them. What we’re going through as a whole is something this generation (nor really any other generations alive) have gone through. This is definitely something.
But we’re going through something heavy. No need to add to any of it yourself. Try your best to not look at what’s going on, but try to look beyond. Dream for something bigger and better for the world. So much hate was going on prior to this, if you’re able to offer someone hope or encouragement (if only in your household) then do so. Watch something funny, try to be the only positive in your house, even if no one else sees. Be the positive in your life. Sounds so cliché, yeah? But really. If everything else is negative, what a sweet concept to be a good thing in your life and the lives that are around you. I hope you get peace and comfort and are able to cancel out any and all fear.

[Micro]

Hey @fiji,

You are loved.

This situation is stressful and triggering to many of us, as it can make us more anxious and/or depressed. But you know, there is something positive in your message. You are aware of this. So you can take the actions you need to take care of yourself.

I’m sorry you had such a difficult night recently. And I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. Sending a bunch of hugs to you right now.

Only when the lights were turned on, I was able to calm down, so last night, I slept with a night light.
21 years of age, but not able to sleep without the lights on.

There’s no need to blame yourself for this or to be ashamed, friend. Really. I’m 26 and I still sleep with a stuffed plush, just because it reassures me. And I know I’m not the only one doing this in this community. Nor outside of it. It doesn’t hurt anyone. It helps. It’s part of our own intimate life. Such as sleeping with lights on. It’s okay to do that. It doesn’t make you a baby or someone who’d be weak.

My heart is racing and I feel so lost. Thoughts of all kinds of nature are having a popularity contest inside my brain, but all of them seem to win.
The question „what in the world are you going to do when you go crazy with your family being the only people you can see and what are you going to do when your suicidal thoughts are established again?“ tortures me and my anxiety loves the attention, but it is killing me.

I can only echo our friends here on this matter. Keep reaching out to those you love. Try not to isolate yourself. Try to focus on things you enjoy, things that help you to relax and warms your heart.

I like how you described that anxious feeling, with the idea of this “popularity contest”. It’s so accurate. Even though I try not to be affected by this impression that the world is collapsing - thank you daily news -, I see my anxiety increasing and driving me crazy sometimes. But we’ll get through this, friend. We can still try to reverse the situation and make it an opportunity to take care of ourselves, to share some extra-love with the people who are dear to our heart.

I care about you. If you ever need a safe place to vent or rest during all that craziness, feel free to shoot me a DM. Maybe you can’t go anywhere right now. But somehow we are still lucky to live at a time with so many tools available that allow us to talk, discuss, to keep being in touch with others. You are not alone.

[fiji]

Thank you. I appreciate it