Hey everyone I have a close friend who has been drinking a lot these days and I provided him resources when he is ready for services. I just feel like I am not doing enough and seeing him to the point of him fighting with people and being aggressive just breaks my heart. I feel like I am not doing enough and I talk to his parents about services and places to receive treatment but I don’t think he is ready. I also feel like as someone who seen his uncle go this route and never make it as well I am worried it’s a similar path. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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Hey friend,
Welcome to Heartsupport! I’m really happy you found this community. We’re here for you and I’m so proud of you for being there for your friend.
Dealing with a situation like this is really hard for friends (you) and the family. In my experience, when I was going through dark times, my friends and family just wanted what was best for me. It can have an emotional toll on you to continue trying to break down the gates with a battering ram.
You’ve done essentially what you can and it’s important to hold your own mental health and happiness in a high level of importance.
That said, some things that I’ve learned from an extremely good friend of mine who has gone through the journey of being an addict and alcholic to being completly sober for everal years.
Have you reached out to a local AA organization? These groups are filled with truly incredible people. The “veterens” in these groups are people that were once like your friend. They have been there and know what it’s like to fantasize about their next drink, dream about the next time they get drunk, do crappy things to others just so they can experience that feeling. They are also the one’s that made the journey and have done the inner work to find peace with that side of things.
It may be worth reaching out to one of these groups and giving them your situation and ask if there is any advice or help they could provide you?
Otherwise, people like your friend typically are hurting from something and they self medicate by getting drunk or high. It’s a form of escapism. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be a friend. Don’t put pressure on your friend, just hang out, talk, let him have a drink or two in your pressence and show him that you’re there for them. It’s a process to stop drinking so much and it doesn’t happen over night, but what it does happen through is through love.
You obviously care about your friend and that says a lot about yourself.
I hope these couple of suggestions help braoded your perspective on this a bit.
I’m proud of you for being there for your friend. We’re all on a journey through life and it’s important to have people like you keep us in check.
Stay strong friend. Hold fast.
Welcome, Justin! I thank you for the effort you giving your friend in giving him resources that would be beneficial for him. It is a difficult thing to be on the outside of someone’s situation, and providing ways to help that aren’t being received. You see the damage that drinking is causing your friend. I give you props for helping in all the ways you’re able to. You’re worried about your friend’s wellbeing, and you’re feeling powerless in helping them change.
In the end, it is solely your friend’s decision to choose sobriety. He will need to find his own reason to want that. When he does, he will need your friendship as he goes through the process of change. You can’t force him to be better, but you can prove that you will be there for him for when he’s ready. When is ready for the change, he will be so thankful that you stuck by him even when he didn’t want to change.
Hold Fast.
Hi Justin_Janda,
Welcome to HeartSupport! I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s struggle with alcohol and how much of a toll it is taking on you. I understand being worried for them, that is completely normal especially since you have seen how badly things can go through watching what happened with your uncle. It also shows your heart and how caring you are.
I know it does not feel like it, and I know that you are worried and concerned for your friend. However, getting and staying clean from an addiction is a very hard thing to do and a person can only do it when they are ready and determined to do so. With that said, you providing them with resources and encouraging them is really all you can do. This friend now knows how much you care, because they can see it through your actions. They know that you can be a part of their support system when they are ready to quit drinking.
It is very hard to see our friends on a destructive path and we want so much to help them and we want better for them. All you can do is what you have been doing. So though you may not feel like it, you are doing enough. And your friend will appreciate you for all that you have done. 
I have been through this with some of my friends. Here’s a video reply (~10m) discussing walking through that with them: Video reply: Substance abuse | Loom
I the video reply, I reference a few things that I’ve listed below:
Song I referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRidl5gmd4E
Training 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQBJQy-QYK4
Training 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0eGRSeSbQQ
I appreciate you posting here.
-nate