From the amount of times I go back and forth, I don’t think people would want to be around me anymore so I don’t want to be around people. Someone said to me today “you think too highly of your trauma and yourself, you’re not that important”
It was already bad but that put the nail in the coffin. Slept all day but I had a nightmare about everyone hating me and being happy about my suffering. My dad had to complete my laundry for me because I forgot to finish it
For some reason my parrot always knows I don’t feel good. Making attempts to cuddle with me while writing this. It feels a little nice to have my birds company but I still feel bad.
Deleted my account on that one app and left all my friends without saying anything.
I never want to be too confident about making progress because then I could easily be dropped off onto square one again the next day. Too many mental breakdowns, no one can love me when I’m all over the place.
Have you gone back and read the posts we left for you in your “I think im ready to let it go” thread? There is a lot of support there. This was my reply. Can you relate to it? Your story sounds really familiar.
Hi @Amaris This is going to include your latest post. I want to give you what I go thru and I want you to see if you can relate ok? I fear that I’m going to loose my friends at any second. I feel like if I annoy them or lean on them too much they will get mad and cut me off. When they are giving me attention and support I love them and I feel their love in that moment. I feel on top of the world, much like you did 23hrs ago. Nothing can stop me and my friends love me so much. Then, I’ll DM one of the people who have shown me the most attention and have said things like they will always be there for me and love me…but, they don’t DM me right back. I start a loop of self hate thinking. They hate me, I’m annoying, I share too much, they are ignoring me etc. I crash and I want to just DM them and ask what I did wrong or whatever to get their attention. I’ll test them to see if they still love me. Sometimes drama happens and I loose everyone or I just leave first so they don’t hurt me first. Does any of this sound familiar? We can talk more about this if you if you want to. ~Mystrose
Just because one person says something to you like that doesn’t mean that everyone there feels the same way. This person can say these things and still like you. It’s ok that not everyone likes you and you aren’t required to like everyone either.
Look at what you said. Remember how you felt while you were typing this? All of what you said is still there, it never left. One person made a comment that you didn’t like and it put you in crisis. You left the community over this. Your fear of abandonment and rejection fueled this. It lied to you and told you that everyone hates you. They don’t, just one person made that comment. Everyone else who showed you love are still there and still love you. You left them before anyone else could hurt you.
Don’t let yourself close up because some people try to hurt you. I’m pretty sure all of us here agree that you are not the way they say you are, you’re just learning to acknowledge the good things about you and there is nothing egotistical or arrogant about that.
Everything was going so well I don’t want to see you give in or give up on yourself and others. People are shitty, but it doesn’t mean if one person is that everyone else is.
One time I fucked up on a server I’m in, someone needed emergency help and I was trying to help along with some other people. One person got pissed off at me because I was replying to previous comments and wasn’t helpful at all. They muted me for a few mins but after that I had already made up my mind that I didn’t deserve to be around them because I felt so bad. I apologized and left the server. The person assured me it was okay and they were just worried, but I ignored it and left the server for a good 3 months. I was completley convinced that I shouldn’t be allowed there anymore, because I was no help to anybody and I’d just cause more problems rather than helping, and I didn’t deserve to talk to or help people at all. But eventually my headmates made me rejoin, so I came back, and I was welcomed with open arms, even if it was only a few people. It took me a while to start talking again, and it was thanks to my headmates that I started to feel that things were okay again, and I learned that the issue wasn’t all as severe as I thought it to be. Most people forgot about it, so in the end I was the one that was beating myself up. My point is is that even if you leave this place right now, later you will learn it’s not as bad as you thought it was. You can take a break from it, it’s okay to need some space for a while, but hopefully you’ll see after a bit that there’s alot more to look forward in being in your group, rather than isolating yourself and not sharing new experiences.
S: Progress from trauma takes a long time, but when you finally feel like you’re getting through it you shouldn’t ever forget that feeling. And you shouldn’t let anyone move you to beleive the opposite. Whether they are saying you think to highly of yourself or your trauma doesn’t matter. What you’re going through is important to you, and you shouldn’t let others tell you otherwise.
What you were saying before already proves you know this:
One thing you truly need to note is to not fully rely on what other people see in you. If you focus on only how other people see you and let that be the judge of your character you will never see yourself for who you are. It’s understandable to need others validation to give you a headstart, but after a while you have to learn how to function on your own. And also how to let people know that you are not the way they say you are. You must learn how to uphold your own place with conviction and not let anyone pursuade or force you another way.
We hope you can let yourself understand you didn’t do anything wrong, and that there’s nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself .
It’s tough how one comment can really shake our entire world, and make us feel like throwing away all of our certainties, all of our progress, all the people and the things that matter to us.
But… is the person who said this obviously hurtful comment worth this energy? Do they have to own this influence over you? Hurting because of an unkind comment is absolutely understandable and something we can’t really control. What we control though, is how we react afterwards, how we react to these emotions.
You don’t need to isolate yourself, at least not if it prevents you to exist the way you’d like to, or to keep connections that matter to you. You are not the issue. The problem is this person’s ignorance, and maybe a bit of a tendency to comment what they don’t understand. It is not your fault. A trauma is a trauma, and no one gets to judge its quality or intensity.
You are not broken. You are not unlovable. You are not meant to be alone.
We love you. Right here, right now. With all your crasks and beauty. You are a unique treasure in this world. No one gets to decide otherwise.