Such is Life for a NEET

November 27th, 2017 was the day my heart stopped due to a genetic condition (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy). I have spent the last few months trying to improve my life in a way that keeps my mentality positive and my body healthy. I exercise and maintain a balanced diet. I even stopped smoking and drinking. I however, know that this condition will kill me and I want to choose my own way of dying. No one seems to understand why I feel the way I do. I feel as if my choice is no longer my own and I just want someone to tell me it’s okay to choose how I die. I’ve struggled with depression since the age of 8 and because of that early trauma, I am a sociopath. It took many years of therapy to figure out why I was feeling how I was feeling. I don’t have many emotions beyond anger and jealousy and I have lost many friends as a result. Self harm is not off the table, as I’ve been doing it to cope with my stress and anger. I wish I had a healthy outlet but I can’t seem to find one that’s long term.

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Hey @aesthewizard,

That must’ve been really scary to have your heart stop last November - I’m really glad that you fought through it!! In a way, it could’ve been a blessing in disguise because now, like you mentioned in your post, you’re keeping your mentality positive, body healthy, exercising, maintaining a balanced diet, and stopped smoking/drinking. That’s amazing and you should be proud of yourself!! Keep pushing. You’re strong. Remember that.