Back to heartsupport

Suicidal for the millionth time

Idk what to do anymore this communication problem is really getting the better of me. Here I am trying to be a dentist but how the fuck could I? I can’t even handle a conversation with a kid without panicking. I tried therapy the other day and I couldn’t talk for shit. I don’t even want to tell them I’m suicidal because it will only make them want to hospitalise me and I can’t afford that. I can’t even maintain the sessions so Idek why I went in the first place. Idk what to do anymore honestly It’s just too much And I can’t handle it, so obviously I would be thinking of suicide all day, and frankly it’s looking more likely by the looks of it. I just don’t know how to talk to people. I can’t even explain it that’s all I can say really. I try and try and try but I just can’t get over this one. Idek if it’s the anxiety or simply being socially inept but whatever it is, I haven’t been able to get over it. I was able to resist suicide for about three and a half years now but I can’t go on any longer. It’s literally pointless; I’m faced with this issue that I can’t handle, then I reach out for help, get a couple of nice words from people who don’t know me, only to have the cycle repeat itself. I just don’t see the point really. It’s always the same it’s literally always the same. I try to fool myself with hope, or false hope that is, only to have it shoved up my ass by whatever.

4 Likes

It sounds to me like chronic depression. That in itself will cause a loss of confidence, which is making it difficult to converse with anyone. Dealing with these issues a daily basis could certainly explain your anxiety.

As with any chronic condition, such as diabetes or high blood pressure, it’s an issue of managing the symptoms. Therefore, if you are reaching out for help and just getting a few kind words, it’s not enough. I don’t know what you can afford, but it’s not unusual for it to take several sessions with a therapist before productive discussion takes place.

Is it really possible that hope for healing is false? There are times when “hopeless” people get better.

If all else fails, dial 211, and perhaps someone there can connect you to a counselor who can help you.

Actually, it takes plenty of practice before you can converse with a kid effectively.

It seems as though when we resist troublesome thoughts, their influence grows stronger. So you’ve been resisting suicidal thoughts for years, and they are becoming increasingly problematic. That happens to plenty of folks. So, you can fight a thought or impulse, thereby assigning power to it, or you can acknowledge its presence and calmly turn away from it.

If your therapist isn’t working out, try another one. Talk to someone who can offer more than “a few kind words.”

If hope is wrapped in specific expectations, answers and opportunities may be overlooked. At the same time, visualizing yourself as no longer having the confidence and anxiety issues, is a good thing.

3 Likes

Hey. Thank you so much for sharing.

I would recommend that you keep giving therapy a try. It can be a difficult and pain-staking process to find a therapist that meets your needs but I promise you that when you do it will make a world of difference for you. In my experience, if you mention that you are suicidal to a therapist that they will not hospitalize you, rather they will try to help you come up with helpful techniques to overcome your suicidal thought process. Hang in there my friend. It gets better. I promise.

You are loved.

2 Likes