Suicidal Grief

I’m not sure what to say right now. This last week I lost a close friend to suicide. I talked to him the night before and he seemed so incredibly happy. He was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met in the world and one of the first friends I made after I got away from my abusive ex. He was always warm and always could make you laugh no matter how down you were. I’m sitting here going through scenarios in my head wondering what I could have said or done differently during that conversation that might have changed this outcome. I didn’t imagine there would be a day that he wouldn’t be here. I don’t know how to cope. I’m going through bouts of crying and being angry. I wish I could trade places with him, but I know it wouldn’t make the situation any better. I’ve experienced loss but this is nothing like anything I’ve ever felt and I just don’t know how to be right now. I’m just completely heartbroken.


I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, grief is such a hard thing to process. Even though I’ve never been through that myself, I want to let you know that I’m here for you if you need anything! I also want to remind you that it is ok to take your time with coping, and its okay if the way you cope is different than they way others are coping, and I know you can make it through this!

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Hello tayrantula,
Perhaps it’s best to think of this person, your friend, in the most loving and supportive terms possible. You’re sad now, as is natural. It’s important to honor your feelings, even when they’re all over the map. As they will be for awhile. He was a good person, and a good friend to you, and though he’s gone, he will be with you in your memories of him, doing the kind things he did. Try to think of him in the positive way he affected your life, and live to be a positive influence to other lives. It may be too early to wrap your mind around all this right now, as this is a painful experience. One you won’t forget, but there will be a time, when you think of him, and instead of tears, you’ll smile, as impossible as it sounds now. Peace

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Dear @tayrantula,

I’m so sorry for your loss. This is brutal and devastating. My heart goes out to you.

What happened is not your fault, friend. It’s very normal to think about different scenarios and wonder whay you could have done or said differently, also to feel how you feel. It’s survivor guilt. But you’ve done what you could, without any doubt. It’s really hard to reach out when we feel suicidal. There’s a lot of shame, a fear to hurt or disappoint. But even during those moments, we know who is there for us, we know who love us. It is obvious that this relationship was very strong and there was plenty of love between you two. You didn’t fail your friend.

Let the tears, the sadness and the anger be. Feel what you need to feel, without any judgment. It’s okay to have those emotions, even if they seem opposite and are intense. The pain of losing someone comes in waves that feel devastating. But I want you to know that we’re holding your hand right now. We’re just sitting by your side. You’re not alone. :hrtlegolove:

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I would like to start with sorry for your loss :heartpulse: Losing someone who you think of like that and who was there for you is hard and crying and being angry is one of the things necesary to move on I suppose.

As for this well sitting and thinking that is not good for you. Im not sure if this is a feeling of guilt or not but if it is we are only in control of ourselves and sadly we cant make decisions for other people.

I dont know if this is the right thing to say but grieve all you need feel all your emotions and let it all out. time will heal you it might take a few months it might take years but untill then grieve. people here are so incredably supportive and will try to help you cope with the grief and pain that comes with loss, I know they helped me.
Stay strong and know people on here will be there for you. I wish you the best :heartpulse:

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss, @tayrantula. What happened is absolutely not your fault in any way, shape or form. Losing someone that we care about can be extremely rough and it’s normal to wonder if there was something, anything, you could have done to change the way things have happened, but there was no way you could have known. Please do not blame yourself. I am glad that your friend was there for you and made your days seem brighter. It’s okay to feel sad and mad and hurt. We all have our ways of coping and grieving, and the most important thing to do is to let it out and allow yourself to grieve.

Things will be difficult for a while. It will seem as though the world will never be the same. But I promise you that you will be okay. We are all here for you and will be supporting you.

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