Suicidal thoughts and depression

[Eddyklro07]

Frist of all, my English is not good because Im spanish speaker.

In the next couple of months I will commit suicide. I’m tired of dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since my teens. This void in my chest, darkness, issues in my mind (poor concentration, tough thoughts, slow mood and things like that) are killing me every single day. Im a failer student of law because of the illness. At this point of life, I’m ready to hang myself with a belt. I tryed everything to heal this illness (exercise, get relationships with girls, books) but it seems like the cure doesnt exist. it will never go away.

Im scare of death at the same time so that is the reason Im writting

[Micro]

Hey @Eddyklro07,

Thank you so much for being here. No worries for your english, many of us here are not native speakers. Your message is totally understandable and I’m really grateful that you decided today to open up about how you feel.

Im scare of death at the same time so that is the reason Im writting

Hold on to that fear, friend. This is your heart speaking. This inner life that’s inside of you and knows that, despite the intensity of your suicidal thoughts, there is another way, and life is worth to be lived fully. No matter how dark your thoughts can be, you deserve to choose life and to do what’s needed to heal.

How you feel, the things you describe, this void in your chest, those issues and darkness… they all make sense, friend. That’s depression - 100%. It makes us feel empty, out of life, energy and motivation. As if we’re sitting on the side of the road, watching everyone passing by and wondering how they do to keep moving on while it feels like our feet seem to be buried in the ground. Depression is heavy, draining, exhausting. Saying it is important. Being aware of it is important. Because the moment you understand how your depression is affecting you, you can start to stop letting it define you. You have a depression, but you are not your depression. And the good news is that, as much as depression sucks, there are ways to work on it, to heal, to live the life you want.

You are not doomed to be stuck, friend. You are not out of hope. But it will be important, now that you’ve acknowledged that you feel like hitting rock bottom, that you reach out and receive the help you need. Sometimes, relationships and things such as exercising are not enough. Healing is made of many things to gather together and apply in your life, one day after another. But to get there and to identify what would really work for you, you may need help from a professional. Have you ever seen or considered the idea of seeing a therapist? With what you’ve shared here, it sounds that right now might be a good time to start thinking about reaching out to a professional, if that’s something you didn’t try yet. You are allowed to ask for help.

This darkness is not where you belong. This world is better with you in it. Please don’t stay alone with those thoughts. Keep talking about it, keep sharing what you need to get off your chest. You’re not alone.

[Eddyklro07]

Thanks for read my message Micro. Now Im trying to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Otherwise, I want to response your message (about all topics you wrote about) but now my state of mind is so broken and dark; it makes me slowly to think about the response.

[Micro]

@Eddyklro07

Thank YOU for being here. It’s my honor to learn to know you better, and that wouldn’t be possible if you didn’t decide to post here.

Also, no worries, friend. I understand that focusing on reading and writing can be hard when we are depressed. So if you want to respond: take your time. There’s no rush. The forum is here, the community is here, I’m here - we’re not going away. Do things at your own pace.