I’m so sorry I keep posting. It’s really my only place now. I broke down 3 times today locking myself in a room for 20 ish hours. Every time I broke down it got worse. Started self-harming in a safer location and started getting closer and close to my wrists. I got diagnosed with MDD and was given Anti deps and might/will overdose on them. I don’t really care what happens to me if it kills me inside out or not. Most people by now get over grief it’s still getting to me way to closely. He was the only friend I had during 3 families during adoption. Now still being in the same Foster center where our friendship started is giving me the worst time. I was going to talk to my case worker but she’s busy which is fair enough. I did some sort of NHS mental health test yesterday and I was rated 21/21 of depression and Anxiety which I was kinda expecting. I don’t know how much longer I will be in this foster center if its from 7 more weeks or 7 more years. I was on call with a Suicide hotline yesterday she gave tips but they did nothing honestly. Im so ready to end it I have been for the past 5 years. My next question to myself is how?
Hey Aces,
I’m very glad you keep posting. What an incredibly rough day you’re going through. It seems like you’re in excruciating pain and that your situation is unbearable. You’ve been through so much and are carrying a very heavy weight on your shoulders. It might be that it is too much to carry all of this on your own. It is too much for a human soul to go through this all by yourself. There are times when calling a hotline isn’t enough anymore. It is a decision that only you can make. Could you consider to admit yourself to a hospital? Sometimes scary steps are needed to keep us safe and to allow others to be there for us and help us carry the weight that is on our shoulders. You deserve to be supported.
Whatever your next steps are, let them be healthy and please stay safe. Speak up for and take care of the part of you that is hurting so much. We’re here for you. Sending you big hugs and much love.
Hospital?! My social Anxiety finds it too hard just talking to someone let alone talking about my health. :’(
What do you need right now if anything was possible? If there weren’t any obstacles. Do you know what could help you or what you wish was there that would support you?
I also think that your case worker should definitely be way more supportive. Even if she’s busy, your situation should have highest priority tbf.
And another add-on. You have written out here what you’re going through. Theoretically, you could write that down, take it with you and give this to someone who is in charge. It is generally an option to admit yourself to a hospital and I know of people who have done this. This also means that people working there have seen people admitting themselves dozens of times. That’s normal to them. (Not saying that this wasn’t a huge and scary step, just that this is nothing to feel bad about.)
Unrealistic: A family. Realistic: just to be able to cope
Do you have healthy coping skills available to you where you are right now?
Anti Deps, that all tbh
Hi Aces.
I am sorry you are strugglig so much. You have really been through a lot. It is way too much on teenager or anyone really. Dont appologise for posting Aces. You need the support and we are here for you 
I dont think you are right Aces. I also dont think there even is such a think like “get over someone.” Loosing someone like that is a great wound. The reason why it hurts so much is because you cared about them so much. When it comes to grief one must take as much time as they need and not try to “get over it” because that only makes things worse. Grieving is a process and a painful one. The more you fight it the more it fights back. It needs to be experienced for it to end.The emotions need to be expressed and felt. It hurts but there is no other way around it.
Please Aces dont do it. i know it hurts a lot and I know you have been hurt so many times but please dont end your life. Your life matters. Please seek help as @blini suggested. Getting yourself admitted to hospital might be good for you. When you said that you scored 21/21 on the depression test,was there anyone that you showed that test to. Someone that could help. All of us need help sometimes and there is no shame in asking for it. You can get better Aces. I believe it
Aces, this might just not be enough right now. My honest opinion is that there should be professional help available to you in this situation.
I absolutely agree with blini Aces. Seeking help of a professional might be necesary.
But how? I know nothing about in depth mental help. My case worker dosent work Sundays and I dont have her number. Plus my socializing is so bad i’d probbably be useless
There aren’t any requirements on socializing abilities. We’ll figure this out. There’s more help on the way.
But also, it’s your decision. You’re in control. It’s not happening to you, it is your choice. We’re here for you in any case and we care about you.
aces are you back in the UK now?
Yes I am. I don’t know for how long though
Tysm Blini for everything you’ve done for me. You’re so very blessed
In that case what is important is to try to keep safe until monday. Can you hold on for one more day? Can you keep yourself safe?
ok if you cant get to an a&e and dont want to call emergency services, call 111, tell them that you a danger to yourself and you need help, they have to find you help. I know it means talking but they will only ask you generic questions.
Ok thank you Lisa. ill do that I don’t know if it will have a good outcome
Maybe Honestly I dont know. It’s scary thinking probs not
you will get to speak to a medical professional and that can only be a good thing. x let us know how you get on