Hey… these past few days I’ve been thinking of this girl I once liked, her name is Jennifer and I never told her how I felt about her because I thought she was way out of my league and my past rejections…“If these girls rejected me what chance do I have with her” this was my mind set because compared to them she is the most beautiful, smartest, funniest, kindest… I could go on forever and forever the bottom line is I thought she was just too perfect for me. This I feel was the worst mistake I have ever made in my entire life now I feel like a coward…For the past few days I have been drinking pain killers in hopes one in two things will happen eventually they’d kill the pain or better yet kill me but all these pain killers have been doing is numbing the pain I feel… God I’m such a bitch I can’t even tell a girl how I feel… If my parents didn’t teach of this “Hell” or “Heaven” shit I would have killed myself by then…If God is trying to teach me something I really don’t understand this lesson…
No one is perfect. Not even the girl you like. Don’t put her on a pedestal. It is not fair for her and you. I encourage you to tell her what you feel about her. Don’t overthink about what’s gonna happen. Do it naturally. The things that are bothering you inside has to die. Not you. This song, The Price of Grace by Convictions, is about suicide. I hope this song speaks to you.
Hey @Hoffman,
You were not a coward for being stressed about the idea of reaching out to this girl. You were struggling with past rejections, which creates some deep wounds for many of us, and insecurities in the long term. It’s not about you being one way or another at your core. It’s about you being hurt, and still carrying the memory of it.
Please don’t stay alone with these thoughts and struggles. Healing is possible. This is not hopeless. But you may need help to get unstuck from this cycle of fears and self-doubts. Disappearing is not the solution. I encourage you to get rid of those pain killers as soon as possible, if you didn’t already, and consider seeking professional help. A counselor can help you navigate those feelings and learn to build more confidence in yourself again.
If you find yourself having these thoughts more and more, please reach out to a crisis line as well. You are not alone.
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