Suicide Closure

I met someone online a little over a decade ago through an MMO known as GW1. We stayed in contact over the years. Our relationship was growing and we planned on meeting IRL the following summer when he was finished with his college semester. For a whole week something felt wrong, call it a “gut feeling” and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I went to message him online to talk to him about it, and all I see on his profile is RIP, Gone but not forgotten etc. His profile turned into a remembrance page. I later get a message from a member of his family telling me he was found dead in his dorm, and there was no other evidence but to determine it as suicide. No note was left. This still haunts me, more so that I feel I wasn’t there for him enough for him to feel like it was ok to talk to me about what he was dealing with. Its still hard for me to talk about openly without breaking down. To move on from this…even after all this time, I’m losing hope in trying to find peace.

Grief and loss are always hard and messy to work through. Each person eventually finds their own path through the darkness.

As dark as things are now, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel eventually. It won’t ever go away, but it will get easier.

Please take comfort in knowing that this friend kept you close for as long as they could. As horrible as this must feel, please try to focus on the good when you think of this friend.

We love you, and we are here for you.

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