I’m just checking back in with you, but also have a question. You wish that you were born a girl. That suggests that you have the physical attributes of male, but identify with a non-male gender. So, when you think about your gender, and not wanting to change it, is it that you don’t want your non-male gender identity to be changed to male, or that you do not want your physical male attributes to be changed?
You have probably given this considerable thought already, but sometimes hearing the issue coming from someone else can be helpful.
You can choose to identify with the gender of your choice, without having to physically change your body. Society is beginning to figure out, at least in some places, that gender exists on a spectrum, and that it doesn’t always correspond to a person’s physical features.
I don’t know about your current circumstances, but I hope you have the opportunity to live and work around people who accept you for who you are and how you choose to present yourself to the world. I know that some people have found life circumstances that accommodate their uniqueness. It’s a very real possibility that you will also find circumstances and people who can help you find fulfillment and happiness.
Care for yourself as you would care for others. You deserve to be at peace with yourself. You deserve times of happiness. It may take a while, but those things are attainable for you.
Don’t overwhelm yourself by thinking about all of your challenges at once. Instead, focus on one issue at a time, and if there is no progress to be made, set that issue aside and move on to something else.
Stay safe, and feel loved, because you are.