Suicide is still more appealing

I know a bunch of people from my last post helped me and I thank you all greatly for that but I just can’t get out of this mindset. It’s worse than its ever been and the urge to kill myself is stronger than I am. I have nobody. The only person I love said that they’re going to leave me and I just don’t know what to do. Nobody cares about me. It’s the same thing, over and over. I have nothing to look forward to in life. I feel disconnected from reality every day and it just gets harder and harder to stay awake. I wish I could just sleep forever…
I was on Twitter, just scrolling through, when I stumbled upon a suicide note from a youtuber. It was pages and pages long but I read all of it and the raw emotion that came from it just urged me to want to do it more. The comments from people are always so generic… “People will miss you” “You were a great person” “It will get better someday” “Somebody cares”. It’s all untrue. Nothings going to ever get better and nobody cares about me. I just feel so lost and I don’t know what to do but suicide is the most appealing option that I have. I guess one thing that could keep me going is wanting to stand at the peak of a mountain and just see the world how it is. It’s the only thing that could even possibly be a factor i’d consider. Nobody knows how I feel, it sucks to be alone… but it sucks more to be sad and alone

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@echo

Hey,

Thank you for being here. Even though the replies you received in your previous post were helpful to you (and I’m really glad for this) it’s also okay to come here anytime you need and let your thoughts out of your mind, especially when it’s heavy like now.

Friend, I’m sorry this person you mentioned said they’re going to leave you. I don’t know the reasons of this situation but how it makes you feel is understandable. I won’t pretend to know how you feel in this situation because that’s right, I’m not in your shoes. But we still have a capacity of empathy and we can try our best to understand what you’re going through, from what you share, the words you use, but also with what we can all remember from our own experiences.

Even though we don’t really know each other I can tell you sincerely that I care about you. Otherwise I won’t be replying here. I would just make myself some coffee and go read a book or anything else.

It sounds that this suicide note triggered you in some way. And yes people might respond some generic replies but it is certainly sincere though. The very fact that people show up and share some love is important. In this world there are a lot (too many) of situations, emotions, issues that can make us feel really alone, just because there is a lot of misunderstanding and shaming about all of those. People can be highly judgmental and when you feel alone and really vulnerable then just knowing that someone is thinking of you can be meaningful. It might not be a lot. It certainly doesn’t solve everything. But in the present moment it is still something.

I had the same kind of thoughts when people couldn’t help but saying stupid things after my brother died. Like “he is in a better place now, he doesn’t suffer anymore” or yes “it will get better”, or even “you have to be strong for your mom”. Oh wow, exactly what I needed to hear. It’s really hard to hear that kind of thing when you’re just suffering. Most of the time people’s intention isn’t wrong, but it can be be also difficult to find the right words and know how to react when someone is hurting. Also there’s as many ways to understand what someone says as there are people to hear it. But there are moments in life when it’s just better to remain silent and limit ourselves to “I’m here”.

So… I might not be there right next to you. But I’m here and I see you. This community is here for you as well. And you are not alone.
No one can pretend to perfectly know how things are gonna be from now, but what I know is that I believe in you and your inner strengths to keep fighting and growing. And this is why I have hope for you, even if you don’t have it for yourself right now.

Hold fast. :heart:

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But the fact that you’re still here is encouragement within itself. Your attitude is the only thing that is telling you that nothing will get better. It WILL, YOU are choosing to tell yourself that it wont. There is a reason for your life, and you are debating throwing it away. I know that saying things wilt get better and that you will be okay is stupid and cliche and it doesn’t help at all. But it IS true. You just have to make the decision to believe it and then fight for it with everything inside yourself. Distance yourself from suicide letters and quotes and stories. They are not benefiting anyone. Please do not give up. WE will miss you. WE care about you. You may be lost, but soon enough, you will find yourself. Go beat the fuck out of your dreams. You deserve that and so much more.