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Suicide just seems like it’s my only option

Well, here I am again, talking about suicide. I just want it so bad. To just get this hell all over with, I want that more than anything. I always try to tell myself that I want to live for certain things, but anything I enjoy doesn’t matter. When everything thing is just so terrible, living for anything just seems like hell. “What’s the point in living for something if you’ll just be miserable?“, I find myself thinking. I keep finding myself thinking this, and I realize there is none. There’s no point in putting myself though this nightmare. It would be better to end my life in peace then to live in constant pain. This nightmare would finally be over. I’d be free. And I grow more confused every time I hear someone say it’s worth it to end it. Because every time I hear it sounds more wrong. I’m finding more and more that there is nothing wrong with ending my life. That all this time, I’ve been putting myself through this for other people’s sake. And I can’t life live for anyone or anything.

I guess my point is, everything is telling me it would be better to end my life. That I have no obligation to be here. That there’s no reason for me to suffer any longer. And I think I might be doing it soon. I don’t know when I’ll have the time alone to do it. It could be today, tomorrow, or any time really. And when that time comes, I think it’ll be time for me to move on from this world, and end this hellish nightmare once and for all.

I’ve tried to be supportive of everyone here, and I’m sorry if seeing something like this lets you down.

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You’re here because you’re not ready to go. You’re here because you want reassurance and comfort. You’re here because, even though just being alive hurts, you want to stay alive. You want it to be better, sure. The pain you’re feeling is unbearable. But as long as you’re here asking for help or just wanting to be heard, you haven’t given up all hope.

Moreover, you are not a worthless person with nothing to contribute. As you pointed out, you’ve been supporting people on here. Your pain has made you empathetic, and your responses to others’ posts are evidence that you want better for others than you have for yourself.

Life is not an obligation, life is a choice. You have more support to give, and you have more chances to receive support. When people contemplate suicide, they think their lives are over. That is false by definition. As long as you are alive, your life is NOT over. Philosophers have been trying to find the “point” to life for thousands of years, and thousands of years of contradicting thoughts yields one conclusion–there is no “point” to life, life just is. Make the most of your life with the things you enjoy. It won’t be sunshine and rainbows, it may still feel hellish, but it isn’t pointless if there is no “point.”

You said it here. It seems wrong for others to want to end their lives, but it feels right for you. Wouldn’t the others say the same about you? You’re right, you can’t stay alive for the sake of others, you can only do it for yourself; but can’t the same be said of anyone else with suicidal ideation? YOU ARE ENOUGH. Don’t have a job, a house, a relationship, a high GPA? Those things are how other people measure your worth–they don’t define you. You are not a job, a house, a relationship, or a high GPA. You have things you enjoy, you have empathy, you are an individual with interests and passions and a lot of feelings, even if they are terrible right now.

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I don’t really have much to live for. My life has just grown to be pain and agony. Whatever helped before doesn’t help now, because I know it’ll fix nothing. I’m just getting through the day at this point, and that alone is no way to live. But if I’m trapped in incurable misery, there’s no point making myself suffer, for anyone or anything. It’s pointless to struggle.

I’ve been suffering a lot too. You’re definitely not alone. But there is hope. We are here for a purpose. God does love you. I’ll be praying for you.

@PleaseJustKillMeAlready I agree with what SheetMetalHead and my4whlrx said. And I would like to add… You’re not letting anyone down by being truthful about how you feel. And I’m glad that you want to be supportive of everyone who comes to HeartSupport, but it sounds like maybe you need to get support from someone right now and maybe you can’t afford to give it right now. And that’s ok. It’s ok to get support from others instead of giving it when you need it.

Who says it’s worth it to end it? The only people I have ever heard say killing yourself is a good idea are bullies, people who don’t care about the person they’re hurting, and to be honest, they shouldn’t be allowed to stay inside anyone’s head. If anyone you call a friend says it’s worth it to end it, then they aren’t a friend at all.

I agree with you, it’s terrible to suffer for someone or something else. There are so many people out there who don’t appreciate it, and so many more who appreciate it… but only a little. And then there are the people who really appreciate it, but… It often feels like it’s still not enough.

So instead of staying to suffer for someone or something else and being here for other people’s sake and only being supportive and helpful of others, maybe, just maybe, you could try to live for yourself? It’s hard to know how to stop living for others and it’s hard to know how to start living for yourself, because you put yourself on the backburner for so long that you don’t really know what living for yourself is like, but it is possible.

I think that if you start trying to work on living for yourself, you’ll find a reason to be here. Please go to the ER if you really are planning on hurting yourself.

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