Super triggering nightmare

Last night, I had a nightmare where I committed/was trying to commit suicide. It was very real (although I found flaws in the layout of my “home”; the door was wrong, the walls were the wrong color… etc.) and horrifying.

I’ve had some pretty triggering nightmares before thanks to my ptsd. But this was also super real.

I want to say it came out of nowhere, but recently I was moved to my dad’s insurance. You see, my dad is a narcissist and abused me mentally, emotionally, and maybe even sexually/physically when I was really little. Needless to say, I don’t talk to him anymore. I moved across the country and am delightfully far away from him (like almost 2000 miles). But my mom chose to put me on his insurance, and I didn’t want to make a deal out of it, since I knew it would save her money (~$200 a month). This is because my brother is on his insurance already, so adding me didn’t cost anything.

Of course, my dad is dumb and chose a terrible plan (or so it seems to me) where there is a deductible where we have to pay a certain amount of money before insurance covers in, instead of how previously we were paying copays. So in my therapy session, we touched on this a little and instead of $25 or $30, it’s $85. I had been going weekly (so $340 per month), so you can see that it would make sense to be on my mom’s. Just saying. But then if I go back to every other week, it wouldn’t make sense ($170).

I think the insurance issue triggered this nightmare, but it was so uncomfortable and makes me feel sick. I’ve been clean from self harm for about 2 months now, and it just… I feel awful.

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Hi sakurasangel.
Dreams are a strange thing. Basically anything can trigger a strange dream or a nightmare. For me a change of place or pills like antidepressants can trigger a nightmare. For other people it can be weather or stress. It can get exhausting. The important thing is to say “it was just a dream”. Dreams can embody our deepest fears like suicide but it does not mean they are true. They are just dreams. Nothing more nothing less.
If you want to sleep better and not use sleeping pills i can give you some suggestions. They might help.:slightly_smiling_face:

  1. Hot tea before bed.
  2. Sound compilations on youtube like “Rain Sounds”
  3. ASMR for sleep. It works for some people and you might be one of them.
  4. Sleep hypnosis. This one is a bit tricky. You might be rezistant to hypnosis so it might not work. But there is nothing dangerous about it. You can try some on youtube and decide how you feel about it.
  5. Calming music.
  6. Fresh air. It really helps. You brain needs air a lot, even when you sleep.
    I hope at least some of it helps.
    Take care.
    -Ashwell
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looks like we better buy some more tea hahaha

I will definitely try these! I did just have a big move, so I’m still adjusting. I just got here and it feels like my mom wants me gone. I know she is just worried about my practicum (which is like an internship), but it makes it seems like she doesn’t even want me here. Could be that too.

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Both stresses and worries can have huge influence over sleep but like everything they will pass and until then try the tea🙂 but be careful some types of tea (especially black tea) have the opposite effect. Try something light ok🙂

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Hey,
I’m sorry you had to deal with nightmares like that, they’re never fun. And ik exactly how you feel being uncomfortable using ur dad’s insurance. Had to go to hospital and since my mom was sick my mom’s husband had to bring me, and she also puts me under his insurance. He’s creepy and I hate being around him, I have nightmares about it alot, had one like two nights ago because they don’t let me shut my door anymore… I don’t like dad’s either. Most men… Don’t make very good parents, at least from what I’ve experienced. Fucker creeped me tf out when they did a kcg on me, thankfully they made him leave. Even when I’m close to death I still despise his very existence lmao. Probably the only thing I’d ever remember if I got amnesia XD.
Sorry I… Got off track.
Whenever I have nightmares about suicide or… Things that terrify me. Depending on which it is I wake up and try my best to forget about it. Eat a healthy breakfast and distract myself with friends, maybe even talk about it with them. You could try telling your mom if she doesn’t know about it already. Hopefully she will listen.
Like Ashwell said, It’s just a dream. Try focusing on things that calm you when you go to sleep. I know dreams are scary, but when you’re mind is safe and at peace, they can be beautiful.
And I want your dreams to be beautiful.
Take care.
-X

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I like green tea anyways! I will likely get chamomile or something that is good for sleep with no caffeine in it.

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I will. It really screwed me over a the pharmacy, seeing as one of my my meds is now over $130 usd instead of less than 20. That made my mom mad lol so she may add me to hers now. We shall see. She will talk to him sometime im sure.

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