Sunday, Sept 05 2021, 00:00 am. I was crying alone. Thinking how to survive in this pandemic since I am going to have my big exam so I could go to college. Well I mean a lot of things happen in the same time, really; a lot. For some reason I don’t know why I made a choice to reach out to my teacher. Maybe since my second biggest problem is school. I texted her yesterday if she have some time today coz I wanna talk to her about something. Not completely telling her my whole problem. It’s just I plan to let go step by step so it doesn’t feel it happen to fast if you get what I mean. At first, I thought it was not gonna go well. Just like when I was trying to reach out in my old school. This time, it’s completely different. My teacher encourage me and listened to me. We were on call and I tried my best to hide it from my parents and typical siblings.
The next day, my counselling teacher calls me and he said he want to talk about my problems. My suicidal behaviour. Well we did the depression test etc thingy. Indeed I somehow self-harmed about past a month ago. But now I put it my last option if I- sigh in other word I never want to do it. I done a lot of things to distract myself. And my nightmares too. I mean it still happen, but I still searching and trying a different method of meditations and distraction. so he called me and ask me what is the main reason or any reason of my suicidal behaviour. I answered that I don’t remember. I’m serious, I barely even remember why. I will explode once in a month or some times it’d be three days. First week, I would be in joyful mood but, every minute I’m shifted. I feel things in the same time. But it somehow joy… I mean if people insult me or physically hurt me I was like thanks for insulting me? something like that. And of course I’m hype. It’s tiring to be honest . Second week, I would be feeling something is quite- no, very wrong; miserable, anger and sad. But in the second week, even though I’m devastated I still could laugh like nothing ever happened to me. Something happened and I can’t remember it !! What is wrong with me?! The last two week, I became so numb. I don’t feel anything, I barely even eat or over eating. I lost interest in a lot of things. I tried to explain that to my counselling teacher, but I just can’t it’s unexplainable. It’s so hard. I asked him before I started to talk about my problem will he tell my parent because if he is gonna do tht, imma just said no thanks i am fine. but he replied no and he tried to just discuss it with me. The thing is I have a bad experience with my former counselling in my old school where this teacher called my parents without my permission without not even wanted to discuss things with me. And ended up my family misunderstood my problem with them and my my social problem kinda making me phobia. But…I just can’t take it anymore it’s been almost 4 year I’m like this. It’s tiring so I take this risky step and re-think not all people similar as my former teacher. And maybe they do wanna help. To be honest… It’s been a while for me to feel this peaceful… or uninterrupted?
yeah perhaps. Welp tht’s all for today. Wish me goodluck going through these
I’m pretty sure your teachers and counselors really do want to help, however, even if they are really good at providing academic advice and coping strategies for school, you really need the help of a doctor and/or a mental health professional.
There are plenty of reasons I can think of for a person to go through sudden mood changes, due to all the challenges we face in life. I suspect you spend a lot of time denying or holding your feelings inside, then suddenly you have to let them out. Body chemistry also affects mood. Hormonal balance might shift. Blood sugar might drop. That will cause a mood shift, especially if your eating patterns are erratic.
Whatever the problem is, it can be managed, with the right kind of help.
Taking that risky first step required courage and strength. I also think good things will come from your reaching out to the teacher, especially one who turned out to be so nice. Talking to the counselor can be very helpful, but I believe you need additional help as well.
Stay safe. Drop back in and let us know how you’re doing.
FIrst off, thank you for sharing with us your situation. I just want to ask, did you give your teacher permission to tell the counselor? There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes our brains block memories to keep us safe. It sounds to me like something might have happened that has given you this sensation of imbalance in mood, the numbness, it sounds like a trauma response.
I am So sorry you had that bad experience with your previous counselor, that is NOT okay. It is hard enough coming to the point of being able to be open about things, and to learn trust these very real experiences to another and for it to have lead to informing family, and breaking trust, is so heart breaking to me. I understand too that there may be laws in your country that give people in this position obligation to report or at least inform. They probably see this as doing the right thing and are scared or experiencing fear. I know that’s sometimes how I feel when someone expresses difficult overwhelming emotions.
I wish you good luck going through this <3, you got this. As for the peaceful that sounds really healthy and amazing. You are loved <3
First off: we’re so very proud of you for taking those steps. Reaching out the way you did is really brave and strong, as you have share about things that are important to you. I’m so very sorry that decisions were made without your consent though. The fact that this teacher reached out on your behalf without even discussing this option with you can shake the trust you’ve bravely gave them. It’s important for professionals like counselors and teachers to make sure that the person reaching out is actively involved in the steps that are going to be taken and de decisions made. It’s also your right to take some time to meet them and clarify those boundaries. Just because your voice is the one that matters right there.
For sure their intention seems to be good and they seem to genuinely care, which is awesome! But maybe there are some adjustments in terms of communication to do right there.
Overall, don’t let this experience discourage you from reaching out. I encourage you to take your time to recharge for a bit and try to have a calm conversation with that teacher again, and eventually with your parents as well to clarify any misunderstanding. The way help has been provided has been unfortunate. Although the resultscould be very helpful to you if some adjustments are made.
You’re doing the right thing. You have our full support!
. Second week, I would be feeling something is quite- no, very wrong; miserable, anger and sad. But in the second week, even though I’m devastated I still could laugh like nothing ever happened to me. Something happened and I can’t remember it !! What is wrong with me?! The last two week, I became so numb. I don’t feel anything, I barely even eat or over eating. I lost interest in a lot of things. I tried to explain that to my counselling teacher, but I just can’t it’s unexplainable. It’s so hard. I asked him before I started to talk about my problem will he tell my parent because if he is gonna do tht, imma just said no thanks i am fine. but he replied no and he tried to just discuss it with me. The thing is I have a bad experience with my former counselling in my old school where this teacher called my parents without my permission without not even wanted to discuss things with me. And ended up my family misunderstood my problem with them and my my social problem 
kinda making me phobia. But…I just can’t take it anymore it’s been almost 4 year I’m like this. It’s tiring so I take this risky step and re-think not all people similar as my former teacher. And maybe they do wanna help. To be honest… It’s been a while for me to feel this peaceful… or uninterrupted?
You are loved <3