These are indeed so very huge steps in your healing journey. I’m so proud of you. Ever since you’ve been in this community, you have never ceased to seek help, express your vulnerability, reach out and take steps forward to be supported as you need. You’re on the right path.
Before getting to therapy and also asking for antidepressants, I was very scared and anxious as well. It’s part of those changes that we know are right, but also are going to push us a little bit out of our comfort zone at times. Somehow, it’s the only way for healing to occur. We can’t stay stuck in the same patterns, habits and environment if it appears to not work for us. When we initiate those steps though, we tend to overlook the small ones in between. We look at the big picture, while really it’s going be a progressive process and you are going to be fully supported - by us here, but also your therapist/doctor. You’re not going to be without a safety net, which includes also the medications and how it will affect you.
To me personally, and as it’s the case for a lot of people, the first three-four weeks that my body needed to adapt to the medications were a bit difficult - I’m over 24yrs old, although I did have an increase of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. The thing is I knew it beforehand because that was discussed with my doctor. So I could act preventively, make sure that my partner would be there to listen if needed to, and call my doctor if that was needed. After that time though, I started to wake up and feeling different - more neutral, more peaceful. It is not a quick fix nor something made to heal us, but definitely a very useful crutch to get the energy we need to actively take care of ourselves and heal.
Overall though, it’s different for each person. This is about medications that affect our body, and for that we are all absolutely unique. That’s why it’s monitored with the help of a psychiatrist/doctor, and done progressively. Make sure to ask all the questions you need. Clarify things as much as necessary. It’s the job of your future therapist to respond, inform you properly and guide you. You’re not alone, and that makes a big difference. You also own your recovery - your therapist is going to support you, they don’t make decisions for you.
Once again, these are such wonderful steps to consider. I’m so very proud of you, Andy. It takes strength and courage to say “I need help” and to accept it. I hope you keep in mind that none of your struggles would ever make you less wonderful, human, or whole. You got this.