Find myself holding them back like a dam. Idk. No stress, no reason. I’m fine I just didn’t know specifically who I wanted to talk to so instead I put it where it can just be, without it being intended for any 1 person.
yeah sometimes it’s hard to pick one person to support you…I often find myself scrolling through my phone book like – would they be able to listen the way I need them to? Are they going to be available if I call? Am I going to burden them if I reach out? Sometimes it’s easier to not have to piece through all of those thoughts but just vomit on the internet and get it out of your system. Glad you did here.
Honestly, the fact that you feel like you’re on a razor’s edge about to plunge into a waterfall of tears…I don’t think that’s crazy. I don’t know your specific situation, but I feel like the idea thatthere’s this feeling of unease, of being lost, of not knowing if your life matters or like you are seen or like there’s anything going for you, or sometimes just this feeling that doens’t come with words or thoughts but this sensation that hits you like a wave that knocks away your breath, and you just feel trapped or suffocating or like you need to release, like you need to just let your knees buckle and fall into the sadness…it’s not crazy. And honestly, sometimes it’s healthy to let that sadness have a valve to exit…otherwise that pressure will stay within and build up and burst out at another time.
I’d also like to mention that the sadness not having any understanding isn’t that it isn’t rooted in something logical. Often that just means that we aren’t as in touch with the things that are causing us stress or trouble – that can mean that we aren’t checking in enough with ourselves, making note of the things that upset us, or even talking about them. The fact that you have a hard time picking someone to reach out to might signal us to think that there might be something that you are needing to talk about and not having the opportunity to do that.
Point of all of that is this: YOUR HEART MATTERS. And paying attention to it is worth your while. If you want, you could use this place as somewhere to experiment trying to voice that pain, or those frustrations, even if they’re seemingly small or insignificant…you have to have a place to get those thoughts out of your head, or they’ll go underground and boil over in these moments of wanting to collapse in sadness.
Worth a try, for sure. I invite you to write back!
I don’t know how to respond to your advice but your words made me smile. Also just now realized I could reply to the encouragement I thought after you post to the wall I didn’t know there was a way to add on and create dialogue