I’ve always had pretty low self esteem. when i was six i was on the school bus coming home from kindergarden, i was sitting next to this girl who was talking about a really cool birthday party she was having. she then made an announcement to the bus saying “raise your hand if you want to come to my birthday party” and I raised my hand. she then turned to me and said “no fat people can come, only skinny people can come to my party” and i wasn’t even fat, i was just wearing a sweatshirt. although i was young and i didn’t pay much attention to it. when i was in third grade i had a pair of shorts under my sweatpants and after gym class i took them off and wore my shorts into the classroom. when i did practically the entire class felt the need to comment on how “my legs were SOOO BIG”. i was still young so i didn’t pay much attention. when i was in sixth grade my entire class was super skinny and i had this one friend who would body shame me every chance she got. i started paying attention to it. this was also when my depression started so body negativity was a thing that fueled it. since then nobody has said anything because with growing older and taller your body stretches out into what it is supposed to be but i still took those words with me and i still feel awful about myself. I was not fat before and i am not fat now (my bmi is in the very middle of normal and i am a size 4-6) no matter what anyone says about me and no matter how many complements i get i still feel the same.
Yeah. We are our own worst enemies. We bully ourselves. When you don’t accept yourself or like yourself. It is hard to believe what others say about you unless it is something terrible. Unfortunately this means you look for others to accept you and when they reject you it hurts. It also means when they accept you that you can’t accept it either. That pain remains.
Most people want the pain to go away. They don’t think about tolerating or coping with it. This is the problem most people have. They hope it goes away instead of actually dealing with it. I understand where you’re coming from. I been there.
“How can others accept you if you don’t accept yourself?”
Your value comes from you. How the world values you doesn’t change how you value yourself. Never has and never will.
I understand. I have really bad self esteem issues and it’s awful, but you can make it through this. Work as hard as you can doing whatever you need to do to see yourself for the amazing person that you are. You’ll get there, even though it’s hard. I believe in you. Stay strong!