Terrified of change

I’m so terrified of everything changing and that I don’t have any control over it. Literally cancelled my rehearsal for tomorrow and today because I’m not able to move or even think… It’s stupid, I know… but I don’t have a job in a month and will be put out of my house soon, too. Not because I can’t afford it… but because my landlord is selling and he wants to sell it without tenants… and I’m just too scared to do anything now… I just freeze and my brain locks up, not doing anything even though it knows that things need to be done… I’m the worst…
how fucking stupid am I? that I thought I could be anything… while I’m only a huge failure…


Hey @nyntje

That does sound incredibly frightening and your not the worst, its not stupid. Change can be horrific, I myself absolutely hate it, I too get myself in such a mess, in fact I would probably be exactly like you in that postion.
Right this minute don’t do anything, sit down and have a cup of tea/coffee and do nothing, then tomorrow just start a small list, just 2 or 3 things that you know you have to do and start with them however small. then add 2 more things to the list until you have had enough for the day. You are not a faliure, you are someone who is anxious and who is being asked to change everything, use some of that love and kindness that you throw out to everyone and aim it at yourself. You deserve it. Much Love to you Nyn xxx

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Hi Nyntje,
i am sorry to hear all of this. i am sorry that you have to go through all of this.
this is a a lot of things that are going on in your life right now. too much for us to carry alone in so many ways.
it is normal that you feel overwhelmed, it is nothing but human what you do. when everythings becomes too much
we often can’t think of the right way to handle all of it. take your time, take care of yourself now, that is most important. YOU. give yourself a break and like @Lisalovesfeathers said, tomorrow start with doing a list and remember yourself to do one step a time. not more. it does not matter how much you do, you try and that is the most important thing. it helps often to write things down, to visualize them for us.
you will do great.

i can feel that, i feel like that too, so often so many times.

i ask that myself far too often.

i am too. i can feel your words.
we need to learn in a hard way what we are capable of, what we are doing and how much we can do.
there is no failure my friend, there is no such thing, what is there is always learning.
you do your best, you do what you can. remember yourself one thing “all you have to do is breathe” .
in those moments even more then ever, take your time, take a deep breath.
you are amazing Nyntje, you are so strong, not only by sharing all of this, how you go through life and keep trying, that is what we are, what we should do. always.
give yourself time tomorrow, do one step a time and look at that then. you are loved, you are awesome and
you matter most ! :purple_heart: thank you for being part of this community, thank you for being here and sharing
your life, for showing vulnerability, that is strength ! proud to know you. feel hugged my friend


Does this sound like it?
If it does, then you can totally understand that you Are Not the only person who has felt this. In fact, it happens so often, that theyre able to study it AND give it a name.

So if someone else here were suffering from this same overwhelm feeling, would you tell them that they are stupid and a failure?

Brains are weird and wonderful. They are the rest of our biology but also all the life experiences we’ ve been through. You are literally not alone in this.

Maybe there is some suggesting here that can help?

Also, big believer in the healing and transformative effects of yoga and breathing etc. It can affect how our nervous system reacts to things. I will try to be back with a distilled suggested of what could be done to help you unfreeze a bit.


Oh my dear… please do not say that about yourself. You most certainly are not any of these negative things! It’s just really stressful right now for you and I understand, really I do. But let’s try to regroup and take it one step at a time. Let me share something that might help because I have definitely been in your shoes many times, and honestly continue to be!

So, my first year in college, at the ESL program (for international students to master the language) my professor noticed me pretty much experiencing the mind blockage and state of panic you are in. And he taught me this technique of brain dumping which is basically writing down each and every thought that’s on my mind (doesn’t need to make sense or be organized) so just literally write random statements, thoughts, ideas, tasks , fears, you name it… literally any and everything you can think of. I kid you not, you will start to see how your brain actually feels emptied :face_with_open_eyes_and_hand_over_mouth:… and things won’t seem as intimidating and complicated as they were just clustered all up in your head. Later on I added to this technique to make it more productive if you may :face_with_monocle:… now you see everything that was on your mind all in front of your eyes… take a deep breath and start categorizing all these thoughts and feelings. What I did was create a table for thoughts and one for emotions. And started to filter each. So, thoughts, what’s something I can change? If any I would keep it and leave space for possible actions to take later, if it’s something I cannot do anything about, I would just scratch it off and just like that it’s out of my mind. Then, write your possible actions… and introduce the emotions after. For example “stress” what action is associated to stress? Is there a better action I can take that will give me a better emotion like “joy” or “ease”? And just like that…. Keep intentionally filtering out these thoughts and emotions and change them to what’s better.

It is possible I promise you and I know that you are capable of doing it all and going through this setback. It’s a little hard to see that right now but there’s always a way forward! Just be kind to yourself and know that everything you’re feeling is part of the human experience and we all feel it one way or another. Lastly, I want to remind you that although there is so much to be stressed and sad about, there’s always something nice that we forget to appreciate during our struggles. So take a good look into your life and even soul, what’s the light in it? Be grateful you at least have that light whatever it may be and that you will always have it no matter how bad it gets! :pray:t3::white_heart:

I am sending you much love and harmony and I hope you can find help in this response!


actually that is exactly what it feels like, thank you for posting the resources and the exercises. I’ll try to incorporate these in my weekly schedules. I really appreciate everyone who responded :hrtlegolove:


I am so happy to help! and you are most welcome dear. :white_heart: