Back to heartsupport

That boundary thing that I'm bad at

Hello again everyone.

I didnt expect to write another one of these so soon but the past 24 hours have really been something else. Also real talk is gone heh.

Anyways, I figured this could be considered progress, so story time I guess.

I was at work today. I’d clocked in early so I could leave early and try to work out all this house business which my awesome husband managed to magically work out. So it was 20 mins til closing time and I was so looking forward to a nap because I barely slept last night after a pretty substantial panic attack and I went more than 24 hrs without eating.

I was on call and I receive a call from A. I couldn’t answer so I texted and said I would be off in 20 mins. A told me they needed me to do something by 3:30 which was 30 mins after I got off work, and the timing would be tight but I could do it… only thing was I got zero details about it, so I asked A what I was doing at 3:30 at said place. Rather than just tell me, A started to become verbally abusive, insinuating that I didn’t care about them and I’m basically a terrible person.

So I just stopped talking to them. Its currently 3:30 and I’m relaxing on my couch watching TV. After the past 24 hrs I would just really like to be treated with respect. And finally, I took it upon myself to just shut out the abuse.

I think I did ok.

5 Likes

You did awesome! Enjoy your relaxing afternoon!

1 Like

Thanks :slight_smile:

-20 character limit-

1 Like

Hey @Sapphire

Boundaries are so hard to set in place and keep. It takes a lot of strength to keep them and stand by them and it sounds like you took a step in that direction! You knew that you hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep or had anything to eat in over a day and you had things you knew you wanted to get done after work. Not only did you set a boundary, but you took part in some much needed self care too!

It sounds like A had an expectation of you just doing what they asked no questions asked and when you asked simple information regarding what it is they wanted you to do they got very upset. How they reacted and treated you was not appropriate or respectful. Setting boundaries and taking care of yourself does not mean you don’t care about them nor does it make you a terrible person. Not in the slightest. Saying yes to everything and bending over backwards for others constantly without taking care of yourself can turn into a very toxic cycle very quickly so taking this step to distance yourself from them, not do what they asked and take care of yourself was huge!! You are worthy of respect, understanding and support. You’ve had a rough 24 hours and it’s ok to take time to care for yourself. Thank you for sharing this with us!

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes

1 Like

Thank you - you hit the nail on the head
For a lot of my life I was a miserable people pleaser because I was raised to put myself last and everyone else first.

My relationship with A is definitely becoming very toxic because I’ve been helping them a lot the past couple months. And I feel like even just for that I should get a little respect.

A lot of times I still feel guilty when I do for me. I’ve found though that it is getting easier for me to not feel guilty as time goes by. Im hoping at some time I will get to the point where I don’t feel guilty when I do whats right for me.

2 Likes

I completely understand that! I too have a hard time with boundaries and always did for others but never for myself. It really took a toll and I found I wasn’t able to help others as well as I would like because I wasn’t giving myself the time and care that I needed. We truly can’t pour from an empty cup.

It is so hard at first but the more we practice it the easier it will become and the healthier we will be as well, including our relationships. So, I’m right there with ya on this boundary/self-care journey!

2 Likes