That it it right on the head for me i gotta deal w

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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Slipknot Vermilion pt 2
That it it right on the head for me!!! I gotta deal with my social anxiety when someone says something to belittle me(jokingly that I take serious) better said than done.

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Goodness, YES. Social anxiety really has this way to make everything become extremely serious, even things said as a joke and without any wrong intention. You can have the most casual conversation with someone, yet hearing them saying something, or saying it a certain way, can immediately push your mind into a rabbit hole.

It’s exhausting how much social anxiety seems to shape our perception all the time of what others say, of their physical gestures and how we interpret it as a result. Even more so of others intentions while they can be absolutely different than the worst scenario we’re imagining. Everything is somehow turned against us ultimately, even if we know rationally that we are with safe people who are not judging or trying to be mean to us. It’s hard to see yourself being in this double position: between what you know rationally as being true, versus the sense of panic you can feel within whenever your anxiety is somehow triggered by external circumstances.

I personally can’t count the amount of times I responded and reacted seriously to a joke because I was already petrified in the first place. Then it makes things worse because the seriousness of my tone makes me feel even more inappropriate lol. A vicious cycle.

I have no doubt you’ve experienced this sense that you are constantly under the pressure of having to perform what you say and do whenever you’re interacting with someone. Although once you feel that way, it’s like you’re just on edge constantly and have to be on your guard. Anything and anyone can be seen a threat to your sense of safety within. It feels like anything can catch you by surprise and make you collapse internally with feelings of shame and being worthless, and the anxiety creates this artificial illusion that if you stay on your guard, you’ll be more prepared. It’s SO hard to not take something seriously when your mind makes you feel like you are constantly evaluated and scrutinized, even by people who would never think anything wrong of you.

But it’s also so frustrating when it feels like those reactions are beyond your control and make you appear as someone you’re not. it’s like something else is piloting yourself - but that something isn’t you. So many times I’ve been told that when someone interacts with me at first they felt intimidated or like I was particularly cold. While deep inside it feels like I’m dying and can’t express myself the way I want to, or even that I have a ton of affection to share but it can’t seem to find its way out of my own mind. It’s all controlled and filtered through paralyzing fear. While sometimes I would feel inside so much enthusiasm and affection for someone, yet form the outside it would appear as almost robotic and careless responses. So frustrating when that’s the opposite of what you wish to convey.

Your comment speaks very much to me personally, and I’m so thankful you shared it. Somehow, it’s therapeutic to look back at those times when social anxiety made our reactions inappropriate, and to laugh about it too. :heart:

-Micro