Numbness to happiness. Back to numbness. Worried that I’m bothering people. Always fearing I’m not enough. It’s a constant back and forth battle In my brain and I feel exhausted. I’ve been taking my meds and getting on a routine so why do I take so many small things so personally? I just want to disappear today.my friend always calls my depressed side my “sad bitch mode”. I cry easily. I feel so frustrated and alone…over emotional…diseased.
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Hi friend.
I’m sorry you are battling all of this. That’s a lot to take on. I can certainly relate. There was a long time where I just felt numb to everything all of the time. And when I wasn’t numb completely I felt like all that I knew how to feel was sad, depressed and frustrated. It consumed me and left me feeling hopeless.
You are not alone my friend. I know how easy it is to feel like you’re not enough. To feel like you’re a bother. I’ve been there. But you know what? You ARE enough. And if you’re bothering people, a couple things can happen. 1.) You talk to those you think you are bothering and see if you can talk it out. If you don’t know who you’re bothering and feel like you’re just doing something to bother them, maybe see if you can just be aware of what’s bothersome. Is it something reasonable that you can work on? Or is it unreasonable unhealthy feelings that need to just be ignored? Or 2.) Distance yourself from the people that make you feel this way. If it’s not something that is reasonable.
Taking your meds and having a routine is great! It’s a starting point. As far as taking things personally…because youre a human being with feelings. And it’s natural to feel sensitive to things. The important part is trying to train your brain not to escalate in the dark thoughts when feeling sensitive. It’s easy to take things personally, but it’s important to stand back, evaluate the situation and ask yourself realistic questions so you can resolve it. A lot of the times our anxious and depressed minds will tell us lies and make us feel like there are negative feelings where they don’t exist. Or our minds will take something really personal that wasn’t intended to be hurtful. It’s good to be aware of others feelings but our brains can sometimes create things that doesn’t exist in fear. So just step back and ask yourself questions.
- Why would people feel youre a bother.
- Is it fair and reasonable? If so what can you to improve the situation.
- is it unfair? If so, do you need to distance from some people?
- is it just fear? And do you need to help train your mind to not escalate?
Start there. 
Through that you should be able to find your healthy resolve. More often than not, it’s just our fears trying to get the best of us.
As far as what your friend calls you. Maybe you can ask your friend not to call it that. Especially if it doesn’t feel good. I’m sure they will understand if you just gently explain.
You matter. You’re loved. You’re cared for.
- Kitty
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