The best chance became a new dead end

HeartSupport Support
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I’m so over everything. I’ve just come up from a very low point of near relapse, but I just phone call that’s made me realise I’m actually just at a point where everyone thinks “YOU NEED PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE”
Yea, you’re right, I do… Which is why I went to be assessed by the psych team at the hospital, to see if they could shed some light on what is happening and hopefully give some solutions so I can get into a place where I can atleast leave my house because all my doctor is doing is piling on the medication.
But of course, that came back with nothing… They’re increasing my meds even more and signing me up for groups that I can attend on my days off work so i dont just sleep, because apparently, the solution to me being unable to get myself out of bed to attend the groups im already supposed to be attending is by throwing me in some more.
If no one is going to actually going to take a look at what is actually going on, and how we can help me to get myself out and about, how the fuck am i supposed to get to these groups. why do they insist on keeping me medicated when the medication isnt even fucking working? I’m done. I’m over it. I can’t take anymore. I’ve exhausted everything I know how to and I’m getting no where. it’s just constant dead ends.

I wrote a new suicide plan… I haven’t yet decided a date, but, I’m just… I can’t take this anymore. THe people who claim want too and have the power to help me are just going no where and I’m done.
I’m sorry to everyone I’m letting down, but I just can’t keep running around in circles and hitting dead ends. It’s been the same for years and I can’t keep doing it.

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Kayla, do you think that it would be worth maybe taking yourself to the hospital and maybe checking in for a few days? That way you can talk to the doctors and mental health care there about what you are feeling and going through? But also have a place where you can be safe from self sabotaging and hurting yourself?

You could share with them how you are feeling about the groups, the medications and wanting to get to the root to the problem.

It may be worth considering. It is okay to not be okay. But maybe doing this could help you have a safe environment and a place to just reset your emotions and brain a little bit.

I love you so much. You have come so far just in the time I have known you. Don’t give up now. You aren’t letting us down. You are hurting. And that’s okay.

I’m here. Always.

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My therapist is amazing… But because the NHS doesn’t fund talking therapy, they can only offer limited amounts of sessions, and then you have to join the waitlist again… It sucks.

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Yea, that does really suck actually. I’m sorry love. ):

Be sure to take yourself to the ER and the hospital if it gets too bad. Because we love you and want you to be safe and okay. :heart: