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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
The dark is so hard to get out of I’m trying so hard but I don’t think I can
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It is indeed really hard to battle internally against this force that feels all-consuming, all-encompassing, as if no area of your mind and soul would have the possibility to escape it. Sometimes, it feels like running through the same cycles again and again. You see yourself falling into the same patterns then trying to overcome it, and when you do, you also realize how strong and sticky this darkness can be. It’s even more difficult when it’s trying to overshadow the good moments, the joy you might feel, the times when you feel empowered by filling your mind with doubts and fears. It’s like somehow you’re never allowed to sit down, take a deep breath and rest because there’s this shadow behind you that is not giving you the opportunity to take a break. Instead, you are forced somehow to constantly run for cover, and that’s freaking exhausting in the long run.
It makes sense to feel at times like you can’t overcome it because it would be too powerful. Healing is also at play in these moments when we doubt ourselves, even when we lose hope, for it is not a linear journey and more a chaotic rollercoaster overall. But during those moments, you are also reflecting on your struggles, on your journey, and it can be a time to change directions or the strategy you’ve been using too. Somehow, healing is like walking on a road made of many crossroads, and each of them is an opportunity to reflect on how much you’ve grown already and what your next steps could look like. The fact that you are trying shows that you are doing the hard work, that you are proving to yourself that you can do it, even if it doesn’t bring yet the results you would expect. I see you, I see how much effort you are dedicating to your own recovery. These are not wasted my friend. Put together, these steps will keep on helping you build this strong backbone for yourself to keep this darkness at bay. And if you need to welcome people on this journey to support you and cheer you up during times of doubt AND times of celebration, it’s also okay to do so. You will make it through, my friend. I believe in you. 