Back to heartsupport

The darkness still looms

Recently my physical health has been better, I got special vitamin pills and I have taken them for the past week, I have not passed out or thrown up since due to my physical health.

I have how ever self harmed some days but not everyday, going deeper, further, bigger cuts…
I had to put a bandage on my arm due to it, but I have removed the bandage and started cutting again today, I do not know what to do but harm myself. (I do only cut my left arm)

A few days ago I tried to take another overdose but I failed, I did how ever pass out and throw up during this event, one of my friends was there to be in a vc with me on discord to make sure I was doing okay, I turned my camera on so they could see me, however one part of me wants to do it again, this was my second overdose attempt in 1-2 weeks.

I have also lost another friend who was my friend for quite a while, they just blocked me when we had a casual conversation just a few days prior, this hit me severly and my mental health is not doing well because of it, ontop of all the other things that have happened recently with me losing friends and a community which I called home for quite a few years.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a great day!

4 Likes

Thank you for expressing what you’re feeling, Alexis. I know it’s not easy to put the words down and admit the feelings that weigh down your heart and thoughts.
I know how much it terrorises someone when it seems that the cycle just keeps building.

First because you seem to be harming yourself and to me that puts you in immediate danger, can you please try to contact someone who is a professional? Maybe it’s your doctor, maybe it’s a therapist/psychiatrist, maybe it’s emergency services. Once it gets to a point of physically acting on the impulses, you need crisis intervention.

If these thoughts and feelings continue to keep getting worse as time passes, then it’s indicative that you’re going to have a harder and harder time trying to fix it by yourself.
This community can provide so much support, but your safety has to come first.
So please do consider reaching for help.

4 Likes

I’m glad you’re here, sharing your feelings. When you feel alone, you can come here and not feel so alone. Are you in contact with a therapist? You have more than the usual challenges to deal with, therefore, it makes sense that you need additional support. If all of your support comes from people around your age, keep in mind, they’re struggling too, even those who seem to “have it made.” Young people often don’t have a consistent idea of who they want to be or who they want to be around. For that reason, friendships tend to come and go. It’s how young people evolve. Don’t blame yourself for these naturally occurring changes.

It appears that the increase of cutting and the SA, coincides with losing a sense of community, along with having lost a friend. Until you connect with another group, consider us to be your community. You deserve friends. You deserve to be your own friend. In order to be a really good friend to others, you need to develop a compassionate relationship with yourself. That becomes instrumental in the ability to relate to the feelings of others in a compassionate non-judgmental way.

There are many online, and maybe even a local community or two, that offer guidance and emotional support for those in transition.

There is a way to be free from self-harm. I think the approach needs to be tailored to a person’s unique needs.

You might find this site helpful:

Please check back with us. You’re always welcome! Wings

4 Likes

Alexis

Thank you for writing this post, I am so pleased that you did. I encourage you to keep posting as much as you need to in order to help you through this difficult time.
I am happy to hear that you are feeling better physically, that must be a huge relief alone just to not have that dragging you down as much right?
Now on to the not so good stuff, we have spoken briefly about this of course (swat 2 trooper yeah) and you know that you have my support and I will tell you that I have seen growth in you in the short time I have known you. I want nothing more than to see you flourish and that starts with tiny steps and you are doing that, one of those steps as you know is getting rid of those sharp objects and I truly hope that you can do that, not for anyone but you. No one wants to think about another person inflicting pain on themselves.
To Finish, I am proud of how you are trying to do your best, how you are putting yourself out there to help others and writing your safety plan was inspiring thank you.
So many steps forward, wouldnt it be a shame to take any back now?? we are all here for you. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. :green_heart:

4 Likes