I’m having a little bit of a struggle with intrusive thoughts today. My mind keeps telling me that he has an agenda to win them over or that they are in contact with each other talking about me, planning. I want it to stop because I know it’s not true. They have never, ever done anything to make me think they hate me and it hurts my heart that those thoughts come. I feel so horrible that I’m so filled with paranoia that I even question it. I fight it off and then all of a sudden I’m aware that I’ve been in a conversation with myself in my head about it again. It’s exhausting and I’m just tired.
I’ve been trying to distract myself this afternoon. I sat outside in the sun and did a little bit of meditation, but it was too noisy in the neighborhood. So, I watched The Voice with my boyfriend (he knows what’s going on) and did a little bit of light housework. I did some foot maintenance cuz I’m Diabetic and obsessed with keeping my feet healthy. Ziggy, my therapy cat keeps bringing me his ball for me to throw for him. He drops it by my chair and if ignore him (which I don’t usually) he let’s me know by nipping at my arm until I get up and throw it. It’s annoying, but he does a good job at distracting me from my thoughts. I’ve Just been trying to go about my day normally, instead of crumbling into a ball of anxiety and fear or giving into the voices and DMing them to warn them of his bad intentions. Sometimes, it’s just easier to give in, but I really, really try not to.
I’m so tired of the fighting inside my head… I want to scream.
** big hug **
I’m so glad Ziggy is there, working hard to keep you distracted. You are one of the most supportive persons here, and I’m glad to know you!
It sounds tiring, but keep up the good fight, friend.
Hoping you can find something to keep your mind occupied until things ease up hopefully soon.
Yeah, you deserve a lot of hugs! Ziggy sounds like a wonderful cat. The name reminds me of a cartoon that ran for many years. In one of the cartoons, Ziggy was standing on the top of the hill on a starry night. He asked “God, is it true that a thousand years for us is like a second to you?” God responds “yes my son that is true.” Several minutes pass, then Ziggy asks “God, can I have $1 million?” God answers “sure, just wait a second.”
From toddler age, my son had a Ziggy doll which he held onto into adulthood. He lost it in Walmart when he was about seven, and of course he was devastated. Several months later, we were at the service desk, and their sat his Ziggy doll!
I like the thought of Ziggy having a namesake. Perhaps the Ziggy doll is your cat’s namesake.
I think distraction is a really good approach to what you are dealing with. I am also glad that you are sharing your feelings with us with us. I love that you trust us that much. When troubling thoughts are brought to light, their power usually diminishes.
We have a huge orange cat, who after eight years, remains mostly feral. He is not a therapy cat. We are his therapy humans.
Ziggy has gotten me thru some pretty bad moments. It amazes me how he can pick up on my mood so well and just be there for me. It’s so strange.
Thank you @Sita and @Wings for your support. It means the world. My head is pretty noisy still, but my boyfriend is here and he’s keeping me safe and helping me thru it. I wish everyone could have that kind of support.
awww really? That’s awesome. I found Ziggy when he was about 2-3 months old in my neighbor’s backyard. He was very sick and I just couldn’t leave him to die. Took a lot of love and trips to the vet, but he’s very healthy now. Our bond is pretty strong, I’d say lol.
This is Frankie. How he came to be in our yard remains a mystery, but I suspect that he was dropped by a hawk. He was four weeks old, and weighed less than a pound. He had a thorn in his cheek, making him unable to eat. It was our 20-year-old cat who found him in the yard and brought him in the house. The vet removed the thorn and gave him a hydration IV. I don’t think he was quite weaned when he came to us, but I was able to get him to lick off mushy food from my fingertip. That was eight years ago. He remains quite feral, but graces us with his presence a few hours each day.
What a great story! He’s gorgeous too. I have 9 cat’s outside (3 inside) that I feed and provide shelter for. Some of them are tame and a few are still pretty feral and only come around when I leave the yard. Momma, the queen is retired now. I had her and all the other females trapped and sterilized. So, no more babies everywhere. I’ve spend so much money on keeping kittens alive lol. Momma’s last litter was born on my porch lol. All but two were adopted