My story begins many years ago.
I was a troubled kid, always in fights never really fitting in. I was 6 when I first was in contact with with a
psychologist. Where I was told directly that I was so sick I needed to be locked up. I do not remember much from the actual conversation. But I remember that sentence. (The psychologist was fired. But the damage was done)
My troubles in school when on though all of school. I was sent to another psychologist later. But never answered or talked to them. The fear of the same reply was deep inside of me. It ended with me leaving school, not even finishing middle school.
The older I got the more troubled I got in my mind. I started hearing voices and seeing shapes following me. At a point my sister got diagnosed with schizophrenia. And how she had it, and how she reacted. I decided, I would never be in that place. So I kept my mouth shut about how troubled I was.
I joined the military. That helped me, I learn how structures helped me and it made me feel worth something. It ended with an injury. That injury was the first step to getting help. It ended with me talking to a psychiatrist. I still have the fear from how my sister was. So I lied about the hallucinations. I got my first Diagonosis. ADHD and a personality disorder. I got started on medication for ADHD.
The medication changed everything. It was still not great, but it had a big impact. I joined school again, that led to me finishing a college degree. That opened up for me getting on university, and starting my engineering degree.
The first year went, it was not pretty, and I was not well liked. But I got that far. The structure helped me keep my mind in check. But the long summer holiday broke me.
Broken I started the 3rd semester.Only a couple of weeks in I broke down. Knife in one hand and phone in other. That night, was the start of my new mindset. That day, I chose LIFE.
I finally told the mental hospital everything. I had decided that I was so broken, it could not be worse telling the truth. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Schizophrenia.
The next 3 years was learning my new life. Learning my new mindset and learning how to be around people. Learning basic “humen” skills I never learned. Those years helped me get on my feet. I decided to try a less stressed education. I finished the degree. But my dreams and hopes was to be more. I knew what I had to do. I had to be an engineer.
I started studying as a Mechanical Engineer. I got friends though University, I learned how to be myself and be accepted by others. As an engineer I had 6 months as a Intern. Those 6 months along with my goals about being a better person. Changed me so much. I learned more in those 6 months as an Engineer and as a person. I am forever grateful for the chance I got at the company to show my worth, and grow as and Engineer and a human being.
My life goal was finished as an Engineer. I completed my LIFE GOAL in the end of January aswell as landing my job, before I finished my degree.
Friends and family and places life HeartSupport helped me in the dark times. But the first step for me. Was to accept life, and chose life and fight for my goals. The first thing I did, was to stop feeling sorry for myself, and fight for myself. The fight wont be easy, but its a fight worth taking.
My new life goal. Is doing talks about my life, my struggles and the skills I learned on the way. I want to be the difference to another person. So they can CHOSE LIFE, and build a good life for themselves.
I hope that this story, shows you guys that are struggling. That there are light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you get the help you need, so you can build your life. EVERYONE deserves a good life.
A once troubled mind.