I have been listening to Motionless In White for most of the night, the song Eternally Yours sticks out more than other songs by them. I haven’t worn black or worn black makeup or black nail polish in 11 years and I’m 35 years old. the last time I did it I was 26. I don’t know why I did it I would think I’m passed that but I feel emotionally a teenager but I guess its my way of dealing with pain and suffering inside of me.
I feel this is a low in my life and I felt triggered by a few things the last few days from my past with my ex fiancee, my crazy ex friend and other people whom I thought were my friends but they proven they weren’t really my friends. The way I look at it its safer to dress in black and wear black makeup instead of drinking or doing drugs or harming myself. But I feel bad for doing so.
Sorry to hear people close to you have let you down. What you’re doing is, as you said, a better way to cope with things than harming yourself. I understand that you feel bad about what happened but I don’t see why would you feel bad about the way you’re dealing with it.
I’m sorry people have let yourself and made you feel bad about yourself. If this is the thing that keeps you safe, then go for it! Express yourself. As long as you’re happy it doesn’t matter what they think. You’ll find people who will accept you the way this community does, and you’ll be so glad you did this.
This is something I’ve struggled with so much before. Coming from a conservative family, anything like the guys in MIW (whom I also love) was considered taboo and satanic and so many times I struggled with the sides of myself that wanted to please my family and the side of me that wanted to be myself in both worlds. Through some good people speaking into my life I’ve learned that it’s okay to just be who you are and accept that it’s okay if others dont see you at your most true authentic self. In the end, your life is not about pleasing others but rather living unafraid and unabashedly you.
I am learning this that no matter what I do good or bad is never enough for people. I have for the first time living for myself and not for others.
Thank You Kayla for your kind words