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The holidays are lonely

Sometimes grief feels endless. I was in a relationship last year with man I thought I was going to marry. He was my first real love… the first man I told about to my family.but he lied about his situation and ended up being engaged. It tore to me shreds.
He told me he didn’t want the marriage. We worked at the same job and coworkers said he didn’t want it. His family told me he didn’t want it but he went through. He begged me to stay. Said I was his best friend. And we are both diagnosed bipolar so yes…In some cases…he felt like my twin.
But when things were bad, he got mean…he name called when he was mad…I’ve seen him sedated because his anger got so intense he broke a window.
But then he would apologize, he’d be upset and we would go out on a date and try and laugh.
My chest always hurt, the pit of my stomach clenched because i always wanted more into his life but knew there was another woman.
One day he got frantic, threw his ring in a dumpster, got on his knees, and grabbed me around the waist saying I was the woman he wanted to marry…but then he went back to his wife.
Ever since March of this year I started periods of cutting him off. But we’d come back together. The longest split we’ve had is three months.
I keep telling him I’m sad…He lies so much…and it’s hard because he had a rough childhood…and sometimes I know he’s trying his best but he has too much anger. hes in therapy for it and finally got on medication. He calls me a crybaby when I try to tell him how I feel…but I’ve also seen him cry out of frustration.
My heart just hurts…I did have some of the best moments of my life with him…but he’s married and to this day…a year and a half after the wedding…I feel crushed…he ll say he knows he mistreated me but then it’s like he forgets. I just don’t understand.

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I’m sorry you gone through it. I encourage you to be with the ones you love. It is better for not to have that man in your life. He’s married, and he shouldn’t hurt you or his wife. That’s cruel. Lord have mercy on him. You are not alone. HeartSupport is here with you and for you.

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