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The I more think about BPD, the more I think have it

First thank everyone on here that been checking on me this Halloween weekend. Yesterday was a bit rough, last I kept arguing with my mom on drive and back to see my sister. Halloween is hard one for, but thank for advice and goodwill.

I been this book about a person struggle with BPD and it can be a bit heartbreaking to hear. Also listen to podcast today about it too.

I know it not wise to self label myself, but I do feel I have BPD. It just make a lot sense. For example yesterday (Halloween) I was deal with intense emotions, went being happy to sad, during the night it went it hit the hardest. On drive to hang out with my sister , I fought with my mom. But then had a good at the local show. Then had another fight on the way back. I was creep depressed talking about ex band mates, girls and friend how they all betrayed me.

Here the trail I think link to BPD for my case

  1. Suicidal thought
  2. Self harm
  3. Paranoid about relationships
  4. Disconsolate
  5. Impulse anger
  6. Always need validation

I know there more, yesterday and today I literally go from happy to sad in snap of finger. Everyday I get intense thoughts, for example when a girl rejects me I want to hurt them (sorry I know that dark). Like saw on Instagram this girl having party, I got wicked envy to point I want write a comment fuck you. I was also thinking making a post talking shit about my ex band mates and ex friend. Also thinking message the girl like that I’m going kill myself becuase of you.

My therapist said, I’m always seeking validation and don’t give enough self compassion. That way get out of control with my emotions.

What do you guy think and if you someone struggle with tBPD. What do you too get through day and keep a healthy stable life. Thank you guy for your support!!!

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Your therapist is right. You are really hard on yourself. That rage towards yourself fuels rage towards others as well. You may have BPD. What does your therapist say about it? It might be worth asking for a referral to a psychiatrist who manages BPD. They may confirm whether or not that’s what you’re dealing with.

Your self honesty is admirable. Emotional volatility is a symptom associated with BPD, but may be too soon to embrace that label. That you are persistent in reaching out for help, convinces me that you will overcome your problems.

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Hey @Metalskater1990

I have BPD and it’s a pretty complicated disorder. You have to have at least 5 of the 9 traits in order to be diagnosed, but you can have some of the traits and not be fully BPD. I have all 9.

They are:

  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
  • Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
  • Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
  • Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
  • Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation also known as splitting
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior
  • Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

So, if you can relate to some of these I would definately seek professional help and get a real diagnosis. There are other personality disorders to look at as well. You can check out Dr. Daniel Fox on youtube, he’s great and I’ve learned a ton from him.

I hope this helps. If you have questions I can do my best to answer. I think it’s awesome that you’re trying to figure this out and it’s great how honest about your emotions you are.

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