When I was in grade 9 I had a crush on a boy down the street. We would chat on msn messenger all the time, when that was still a thing, and we hung out in person as well. I wanted him to like me desperately. One night we were chatting on msn and he asked me to flash him over webcam. I didn’t want to, I knew that people could snap a picture easily and I was scared of that. I said to him, “I don’t want to, what if you press print screen and copy the image?” To which he replied, “I don’t even have that key on my keyboard.” I believed him. I don’t know why I believed him so easily. I still feel incredibly stupid that one sentence is all it took for me to believe him. I was so gullible, but I was also 14.
So, I flashed him my 14-year-old boobies. After this he stopped talking to me, this was not the result I wanted. But over time I forgot about the incident, and him, and moved on. It wasn’t until grade 11 that this issue resurfaced. I was talking to a close male friend on msn and I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but he informed me that this kid did indeed take a picture of me flashing him back in grade 9, and my friend just happen to have a copy of the picture on his computer (gross). He was holding onto that photo for two years? I don’t even want to know.
Either way, he sent me the photo of myself and as I stared at my 14-year-old self, lifting up my shirt to impress a boy, I feel like a piece of me died inside. Not only was I discovering for the first time that he did indeed print screen me, just like I feared, but he also proceeded to distribute this photograph to God only knows who. I have no idea how many people have seen my 14-year-old boobies. I have no idea where that photo ended up, or who is using it. And I had no idea that everyone in high school was talking about me and this photo for two years without me knowing. I wanted to die. It still makes my skin crawl. And when I think about this all over again I want to find this guy and beat the living sh*t out of him. Oh, and if anyone still has that photograph, you should probably get rid of it, because technically you are in possession of child pornography.
I think one of the worst parts about this story, is that I am still self-conscious about my breast size at 29 years old. Sometimes I wonder if this life event has anything to do with it. I am a C-32 according to people who measure me, but when I look in the mirror I think they are not big enough. I also realize that all the busty ladies I see in the media are well above a C-cup, as well as photoshopped, but I still feel inadequate. My fiancé does a wonderful job at reassuring me that I’m perfect and beautiful, but for some reason I always feel like I’m lacking in the cup/cleavage department no matter how much he encourages me. I guess I’ll just add it to the list of my insecurities. I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is, I guess I just wanted to let it out, or perhaps warn others who are young and impressionable, just like I was.