The Lasting Effects of a Screenshot

When I was in grade 9 I had a crush on a boy down the street. We would chat on msn messenger all the time, when that was still a thing, and we hung out in person as well. I wanted him to like me desperately. One night we were chatting on msn and he asked me to flash him over webcam. I didn’t want to, I knew that people could snap a picture easily and I was scared of that. I said to him, “I don’t want to, what if you press print screen and copy the image?” To which he replied, “I don’t even have that key on my keyboard.” I believed him. I don’t know why I believed him so easily. I still feel incredibly stupid that one sentence is all it took for me to believe him. I was so gullible, but I was also 14.

So, I flashed him my 14-year-old boobies. After this he stopped talking to me, this was not the result I wanted. But over time I forgot about the incident, and him, and moved on. It wasn’t until grade 11 that this issue resurfaced. I was talking to a close male friend on msn and I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but he informed me that this kid did indeed take a picture of me flashing him back in grade 9, and my friend just happen to have a copy of the picture on his computer (gross). He was holding onto that photo for two years? I don’t even want to know.

Either way, he sent me the photo of myself and as I stared at my 14-year-old self, lifting up my shirt to impress a boy, I feel like a piece of me died inside. Not only was I discovering for the first time that he did indeed print screen me, just like I feared, but he also proceeded to distribute this photograph to God only knows who. I have no idea how many people have seen my 14-year-old boobies. I have no idea where that photo ended up, or who is using it. And I had no idea that everyone in high school was talking about me and this photo for two years without me knowing. I wanted to die. It still makes my skin crawl. And when I think about this all over again I want to find this guy and beat the living sh*t out of him. Oh, and if anyone still has that photograph, you should probably get rid of it, because technically you are in possession of child pornography.

I think one of the worst parts about this story, is that I am still self-conscious about my breast size at 29 years old. Sometimes I wonder if this life event has anything to do with it. I am a C-32 according to people who measure me, but when I look in the mirror I think they are not big enough. I also realize that all the busty ladies I see in the media are well above a C-cup, as well as photoshopped, but I still feel inadequate. My fiancé does a wonderful job at reassuring me that I’m perfect and beautiful, but for some reason I always feel like I’m lacking in the cup/cleavage department no matter how much he encourages me. I guess I’ll just add it to the list of my insecurities. I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is, I guess I just wanted to let it out, or perhaps warn others who are young and impressionable, just like I was.

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Thank you for sharing on here and I’m so sorry that you were taken advantage of like that. I don’t even know what to say because I can only imagine how awfully hurt and self conscious that would make someone at such a young age. My heart aches for you, no matter how much time has passed. The fact that multiple people thought it was okay to use that photo is so hard to swallow. But that behavior is on them. I hope that getting it out there helped to ease some pain, I’m sure that wasn’t easy to share all of that. You are beautiful just as you are and I hope you can work and find some relief from your insecurities. Thank you again for sharing and being vulnerable. We care about you and are here to listen whenever you need it. :heart:

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Thank you <3 I appreciate the response. It’s nice to feel heard. It’s been a long time since I talked about any of this, and it does feel good to let it out (and kinda scary). But I’m glad I did it :slight_smile: thanks again.

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