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Belongs to: BMTH - Can You Feel My Heart - Therapist Reacts
The line im scared to get close but i hate being alone i long for the feeling to not feel at all the higher I get the lower i sink i cant drown my demons they know-how to swim . Is the most accurate to how I feel in my darkest days
Hi Friend, thank you for your comment. That line does say a lot and I think it certainly is relatable by many, its strangely interesting yet un-nerving when a person can write a sentence and its like they are looking into your mind. I hope you do not have too many dark days, remember how loved you are and how important you and your life is. Lisa x
Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/55232
I think these lyrics are true no matter what kind of day I’m having. People will cause each other pain when you get close, but also they bring each other a lot of happiness too. I’ve been on the peak of the mountains and tumbled all the way to the bottom. But now I’m somewhere in the middle, trying to climb back up and it’s ok. Demons/problems/sickness etc. all seem interchangeable to me, unavoidable circumstances… all a part of life. I try to view everything as the spice of life. Pepper can burn, but I still like some of it. When I have too much I really appreciate it when it mellows out again.
Yes, this part especially truly encapsulates perfectly the dichotomy of needing connection but also fearing it, of wishing to not feel at all while also feeling everything at once. It is such a raw and tough place to be in, and I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing it yourself. It’s hard when it feels like our struggles are just overpowering us and there’s nothing we could really do to fight them anymore. That somehow you are forced to witness your own downfall and have no way to retaliate or defend yourself.
This is definitely something that I relate to as well when I’m at my lowest, and during those times it feels so hard to just reach out for help - or even to find the right words to describe how it feels. There’s a risk to take when reaching out for help, and that is truly terrifying to take it. You’re already feeling like you’re drowning, so it makes sense to not want to let anyone in with the risk of them making you feel even worse - even more alone, misunderstood, isolated or criticized - as you don’t know with absolute certainty how they may react.
To me personally, something that has been very significant though over time was to still try to let people in - even though they had to wait a looong time before being allowed to know more about my personal world and inner demons. Damn, I scrutinized everything in one’s behavior before they’d have the possibility to be closed to me, because that’s how I’ve learned to feel safe. But truth be told, there are people out there who absolutely get it. People who can accept to be patient and to even sit in silence with you when you’re crying. Who are not going to be present by your side with an agenda in mind, but for the sole purpose of being with you and caring about you. It may take patience to find them, and to take risks over and over, but finding your people is so worth it, because in the end the possibility for you to not feel so alone, especially while you are struggling, is fundamental. It’s so important because you are important.
For what it’s worth, I feel grateful for you right now because you allow strangers here to hear you out and to see a bit of what you would hide to others under different circumstances. That is truly a gift to people like me on the receiving end, and an honor to hear about your most vulnerable sides. You are being yourself, genuinely and authentically, without needing to wear a mask in any manner - and you are LOVED the same way. That’s a special expression of your heart here, and I see a lot of beauty as well as strength in it. Hold Fast my friend. You matter very much. 
-Micro