Hey @IAmCassie, welcome back.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a rough time and your time off HS was difficult. I imagine that it was painful to write all of this but I hope you know that your honesty and vulnerability is truly appreciated. Thank you so much for being here.
I hear your disappointment and how much you feel overwhelmed. But you are loved regardless of the things you don’t feel able to do right now. The messy room, the binges, your relationships or your classes - none of this make you a failure, friend. You’re going through a rough time. It’s okay to acknowledge it and to try to be gentle with yourself.
When I was a student, I felt a lot as you do right now. My room was the reflection of how I was feeling - in one word: chaotic. I struggled with binge eating as well. It became a habit that I was ashamed of, especially because it didn’t fill the void that I was feeling inside of me. It was like running after a quick fix that became like a trap in the long run. I felt helpless and hopeless almost everyday. I wish that someone would have told me at the moment that it will be okay. You just opened this door, friend. You just stepped away from your fears to reach out, and you can be proud of yourself for that. It takes a lot of strength and energy to do that. And we can assure you, dear Cassie, that it will be okay. You’ll be able to get unstuck from what certainly feels like a rut right now. Just not all at once, but step by step. One day after another.
I agree wholeheartedly with @Sarah about the 15 minutes thing. I do that too, and I put some energetic music in the background while doing so. Sometimes, if focusing on the time doesn’t work, it helps to break down what you have to do in smaller parts. Can’t do all the dishes? Then try to clean a plate today. Just one. Then celebrate yourself for doing it. Generally, we end to do more than what we decided at first. The hardest step is the first one.
Another thing that helps me sometimes, which will probably sound weird, is to say (or even sing) out loud what I’m doing or what I intend to do. I’ll make comments about what I’m doing, or even encourage myself out loud - oftentimes I’m way more talkative that I thought at first. It really helps to actually say and hear those things so you keep doing what you do.
You just did the right thing by coming here and sharing about what’s going on for you. We see you. We’re in this with you, friend. You’re not alone or lost in the ocean. Somehow, we’re all on our small raft, especially this year, and especially during this holiday season. It’s okay to have a hard time. It’s okay to reach out. It’s okay to try to think about your next step, even if you feel like it’s a very small one - it’s still a step. And when life feels heavy, we’re here to shoulder this heaviness with you.
I’m sending hugs your way.