The messy room

Hello friends. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on here. Like…a long time. Have you heard about how some people it’s when their life is in shambles when they finally reach out for help? Well that’s me. And it’s hard because I know that I would be the first to tell someone to not hold onto things for so long but I never follow my own advice. I’m sitting in my room looking at the mess I’ve made in my life. My dirty clothes are scattered everywhere. Dirty plates from binges two days ago sit in my sink. And I feel unable to move or do anything about any of it. I’ve pushed friends away, I failed my classes, and I feel so lost. I just want someone to talk to. I have friends but I don’t want to bother them. When I was active on here life felt so good. I think I need HS back in my life. It was so bad because when I took a step back I was feeling overwhelmed. And like I said when I’m overwhelmed I don’t talk or try to work it out I just disappear. I know that’s a toxic thing to do and I’m sorry. I just feel so lost right now. I live in a state of numbness and I just feel this emptiness I can’t fill no matter how much I eat. I don’t even know what I’m saying here. I just needed somewhere to get something down and out of my head. This is just me shooting up my flare from my small life raft hoping someone sees.

Love,
Cassie

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Hey Cassie,

Welcome back to the community. You have been missed and I am sorry to hear that you have been struggling recently. I can totally relate to almost everything you are saying about the messy room and the dirty dishes. I often struggle to do chores like that when I get depressed.

One of the things that has helped me is doing something for at least 15 minutes. I put on a timer and I will clean or do homework or do dishes for 15 minutes. Then at the end of that timer, I can either stop working or keep going. Sometimes, the hardest part of the task is to get started, so the 15 minute rule is a good one to start something you don’t want to do.

Please give yourself some grace. It has been a very challenging year and if you struggle with any sort of mental illness, it can be 10x harder. I am glad you found your way back to us and I hope you know that you can post or DM me any time you need more support.

You matter and I believe you are going to be ok.

Hold fast. We believe in you

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Hey @IAmCassie, welcome back. :hrtlegolove:

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a rough time and your time off HS was difficult. I imagine that it was painful to write all of this but I hope you know that your honesty and vulnerability is truly appreciated. Thank you so much for being here.

I hear your disappointment and how much you feel overwhelmed. But you are loved regardless of the things you don’t feel able to do right now. The messy room, the binges, your relationships or your classes - none of this make you a failure, friend. You’re going through a rough time. It’s okay to acknowledge it and to try to be gentle with yourself.

When I was a student, I felt a lot as you do right now. My room was the reflection of how I was feeling - in one word: chaotic. I struggled with binge eating as well. It became a habit that I was ashamed of, especially because it didn’t fill the void that I was feeling inside of me. It was like running after a quick fix that became like a trap in the long run. I felt helpless and hopeless almost everyday. I wish that someone would have told me at the moment that it will be okay. You just opened this door, friend. You just stepped away from your fears to reach out, and you can be proud of yourself for that. It takes a lot of strength and energy to do that. And we can assure you, dear Cassie, that it will be okay. You’ll be able to get unstuck from what certainly feels like a rut right now. Just not all at once, but step by step. One day after another.

I agree wholeheartedly with @Sarah about the 15 minutes thing. I do that too, and I put some energetic music in the background while doing so. Sometimes, if focusing on the time doesn’t work, it helps to break down what you have to do in smaller parts. Can’t do all the dishes? Then try to clean a plate today. Just one. Then celebrate yourself for doing it. Generally, we end to do more than what we decided at first. The hardest step is the first one.

Another thing that helps me sometimes, which will probably sound weird, is to say (or even sing) out loud what I’m doing or what I intend to do. I’ll make comments about what I’m doing, or even encourage myself out loud - oftentimes I’m way more talkative that I thought at first. It really helps to actually say and hear those things so you keep doing what you do.

You just did the right thing by coming here and sharing about what’s going on for you. We see you. We’re in this with you, friend. You’re not alone or lost in the ocean. Somehow, we’re all on our small raft, especially this year, and especially during this holiday season. It’s okay to have a hard time. It’s okay to reach out. It’s okay to try to think about your next step, even if you feel like it’s a very small one - it’s still a step. And when life feels heavy, we’re here to shoulder this heaviness with you.

I’m sending hugs your way. :hrtlegolove:

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