This morning was tough. Getting out of bed seemed more like a chore than usual. Before I even did, I spent over an hour scrolling through social media mindlessly. Before I even got out of the house, I was probably on my phone for almost two hours. It sucks because I tell myself multiple times to put it down and get ready for the day. But I’d rather not face the day. I’d rather watch other people’s lives go on and wonder how mine could so many times feel so out of place. I’ve fallen prey to the lie that everyone’s “A. game” that they show on social media is the norm for them, and I’m just struggling to even compete, when I don’t even need to.
I’ve believed again this lie that I don’t measure up. That I don’t meet people’s standards or needs. That I should just stop trying. And I don’t get it. I know what my purpose is. I know what I need to do. Some days it’s just so hard to do it. Thursdays are the worst. 9 times out of 10 I work a double shift. I leave my house at 5:30am and except for being at home for about 15 minutes to clean up and leave again, I don’t get home until 9-10pm that night. Maybe I just drain myself too much in that time and can’t bounce back the next morning. Either way, I wake up on days like these, and I want the world to keep going on without me, and I’ll just catch up with everything I missed the next day. I know I’m not alone in this. But heck it sure felt like it today.