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The Nightmares are back

I am having a very rough day and it started at 3:30 in the morning. My daughter was screaming because she woke up so I pulled myself from my sleep to get her and bring her to my bed. She wanted to play but I told her it was time to sleep.

I laid back down, but I never felt like I was asleep. Well the next thing I knew my room was way darker than it was before. I was staring at my phone and as it should be the screen was black and white (bedtime mode). There was a call but I didn’t see a name or number just a timer. When I went to talk my voice was not there. It was as if I were choking. I felt like I was dying.

To make matters worse, I turned my stiff neck in the direction to my daughter was supposed to be but she was not there. I tried to move to check the floor, but I couldn’t move from the spot I was in. I started trying to scream at my phone again hoping it was someone I knew but nothing. I made no noises and whoever was on the other side sounded like weird animal or an alien. I started thinking “this is a nightmare” over and over until it was clear “omg this IS a nightmare.” I tried to wake myself, but it wasn’t happening.

When I finally woke up I popped up like jack in a box and I immediately checked for my daughter. She was there and I was relieved. I thought that was the end of it, but it wasn’t. When I fell back asleep it was the same fucking nightmare and it took forever to wake up again. So I decided I wouldn’t sleep, but I was struggling to stay awake and even if my eyes closed for a moment, I was sucked right back into that nightmare.

So today my anxiety is at 10000%.

P.S. thus post is from 4 days ago but it wouldn’t let me post.

To add to post. I ended up taking anxiety medicine that day. I had a panic attack out of the blue at my work desk so figured I’d clock out, but then a second more severe panic attack took over and I ended up calling 911 to help me.

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Hi grandmastrqueen,

I’m sorry that happened to you, it sounds like a terrifying experience. I can’t speak to any true medical or psychiatric advice, but your post jumped out to me because it sounded eerily similar to a condition known as Sleep Paralysis. Experiences vary, but essentially it’s your body getting trapped between sleep zones, and yeah, it’s super scary.

This has happened to me numerous times as an adult, once or twice while sleeping upright on a car ride. I feel aware of everything, but can’t move my body. At night, I feel like there are figures just outside my vision, or ominous noises approaching.

Not a fun experience. Thankfully, I usually have some measure of awareness of an extremity, and I focus realllllly hard on moving that until I come out of it. Having a partner, or even a pet nearby when I’m sleeping really helps too.

Maybe this isn’t what you’re experiencing, maybe it’s more anxiety or stress driven. But I thought I’d drop in with this on the off chance it was something you hadn’t heard of, and maybe knowing that it’s a known condition could give you some comfort.

I hope you find better rest!

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From: Ash (Discord)

Dearest Grandmastrqueen I am so sorry you had this terrible horrible nightmare. I personally have dealt with nightmares and nightterrors and oh my do they take a lot out of you. Can I ask have you had a scare or fear of someone taking your daughter from you for whatever reason as of late. That can lead to why nightmares happen. I hope you havent had more since than. I know that when I get ones that constantly come back up during sleep I have to stop the next time I wake up and ground myself and work on a new picture or a new dream thought. Perhaps try some deep calming type meditations so that you are able to calm your brain before you fall back asleep like I have literally painted a picture in my head of a good safe space. I am sorry your anxiety was so high that day. It sounds like it was a very rough day and that you could have very much used a lot of support. I am sorry you had panic attacks out of the blue to the point you had to call for help. Just know we are here to listen and help how we can. Dont stop fighting and hold fast.

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From: Micro (Discord)

Hey friend. I’m glad a solution was found to finally publish your post, and I’m sorry it was hard to figure this out. Kudos to Nate for being so wonderful. :slightly_smiling_face: Now that this is said, I’m so sorry you’ve struggled with these nightmares. It may be about something that didn’t happen, the effect that some dreams and nightmares have on us just sticks for the rest of day, and that plenty sucks. I’ve had times when I would have nightmares to the point of thinking that staying awake was better and safer. My heart goes out to you friend, and I’m glad you’ve decided to at least talk about it. Journaling and sharing may not fix everything, but it certainly helps to not let these nightmares impact us continuously, and it’s still a way to maintain our fears a little more away. I hope you know that how it affects you is not your fault. It’s not something we necessarily control so there wouldn’t be any reason to blame yourself for that. I also wanted to say that you are a good parent. Seriously. Through your posts I’ve seen repeatedly the care and love you have for them. This fear displayed in your dream might be a deep fear, but I can assure you that you are doing a great job in your parenting role. I’m not sure if you often hear that, and I assume that it wouldn’t hurt to hear it today. Sometimes it’s important to share that type of truth and to be reminded of it. I hope you can take care of yourself after these intense emotions. It should have been emotionally draining for you, and you might need some rest if you hadn’t the opportunity yet. Take care, friend. <3

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From: WizA (Discord)

Hi Queen, that definitely is a scary experience, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.

It might be helpful to look at the nightmare/dream in a subjective manner. What could this nightmare be telling you? You could write it down in a journal, and detail out the emotions and thoughts before/during/after the nightmare.

You’re strong for living through this nightmare, please remember that. :heart:

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Firstly, thank you @NateTriesAgain for posting for me. I need to fix my notifications too because I didn’t realize it made it. Secondly, thank you all for the supportive words. I am still struggling. Things are getting a bit choppy. I’ve had a sleep study but waiting on results. As I lay here now, I wish my boyfriend was here to make me sleep…lol. I can’t shut my brain off, but my memory and speech is a problem again. I’m anxious for a solution but also anxious in general to the point that my anxiety medicine in back play. I can’t even do my job correctly anymore.

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I can’t shut my brain off, but my memory and speech is a problem again.

I think I remember that you’ve posted about this once. Did you manage to seek help or see if there would be a possibility for you to see a doctor about this? Could this also be a side effect of your medications?

I hope you’ll manage to get some rest tonight. :hrtlegolove:

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Ugh that’s awful! I’ve had that happen to me before, but not to that extent. I also know my mom has had waking nightmares about a stranger coming into the bedroom and being unable to move. I think it is sleep paralysis like @beardy said, but it’s still awful and nerve-wracking, and I know how drained you feel afterward.

I’m glad you had your sleep study! I hope it comes back with conclusive results. I know that once I got my sleep apnea under control, it changed my life (no exaggeration). I think sleep health is the most important thing to our overall well-being. It affects the immune system, mental health and cognition, digestion, healing, and every other bodily function. I really hope you get it under control. I know firsthand how awful you feel if you don’t sleep well enough. Let us know what you find out!

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I did seek help. I had a sleep study last Friday and an appointment for memory test next Friday.

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I’ve had an issue with sleep paralysis since I was a child, but it comes and goes. Now I just can’t get my anxiety under control anymore and I had a good grip on it for the longest. It just more anxiety and panic attacks. I started having a panic attack last night after I posted so I stepped outside like the paramedic had me do the last time I had one.

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