The pain of losing ones you love

I been helping people through some rough stuff and one of them wanted to wake their dad up so that he could hug him and god damn that just triggered something in me that I can’t explain it’s like all the pain I’ve been feeling for the past 2 fuckin years just came up and punched through my heart I miss my dad so fucking much and I just want my dad back I’m hyper ventilating it feels like the day he died all over again the pain in my chest the sounds he was making that day I can hear them in my head vivid as of I was in the room with him again I feel so scared and so small i feel like when I was taken to the psych ward and wasn’t allowed to talk to my parents for two days I think I also ended up having flash backs to alot of shit from my past I’m sorry if this seems really disconnected I wrote it over a span of a hour as I sat here alone with my cat and no one to help me through whatever this was

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Your grief has been re-awakened. I’m sorry it’s so painful. That level of acute pain and anxiety is an indication that you have yet to process the loss to the extent that you have come to a manageable level of acceptance. Talking to someone about your feelings might help. Sitting with your feelings and crying them out will help. An initial stage of grief is denial, which can become suppression of feelings, that can come up unexpectedly later on. If there’s no one around to talk with, please check back in with us.

When the loss hurts so much, it’s evidence of how much love the person gave to us. It’s good to let yourself feel that love, even now.

Your body’s physical response to the feelings, suggests that you would benefit from seeing a doctor or therapist or both.

Are you sleeping okay? Please stay in touch. Wings

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I am not sleeping ok this is heat wave has been killing my sleep I do see a therapist and I’m just over all not in a super great place

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Why did u have to leave me dad I miss you so freaking much you made me feel safe in a world that is increasinglyless safe for me I wish you were here to hug me and tell me it’s ok we will make it through this but your not and mom and Chris don’t say shit like that to me they expect me to be this grown ass adult but I’m not I’m just a scared kid who acts tough cuz shes scared if she appears weak people will take advantage of her like they used too

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I forgot to reply directly to u so u wouldn’t get the ping oops late night brain :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Not a problem. I don’t get pings. I don’t want to take over from your therapist, but I think you’d benefit from talking to this person about the parts of your life that have left you feeling unsafe.

BTW, grown ass adults spend a lot of time being scared too. They’ve just had more practice in hiding it. It helps to ask yourself, what in this moment do I have to be afraid of? If you’re sitting with a book, watching TV, doing chores, etc., be mindful of what you’re doing rather than dwell on what might happen later on. You may not always be in a safe place, but when you are, take full advantage of it by acknowledging that during those times, you have no need to worry about what might happen at some other time and place.

Having things to worry about is inevitable. It might sound strange, but it’s possible to turn away from the fear of being afraid. In other words, it’s possible to accept that there’ll be anxious times, but they are survivable, and they don’t last forever.

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