The pain of love is killing me

I recently posted about my struggles with a certain person and of course I didn’t take the amazing advice that was given to me and im back to the beginning. I am in love with a incredible, wonderful man, but he gives me the heartache of a life time. a couple weeks ago he decided to send me a message saying he wanted me to stop trying to be his girlfriend and that he couldnt handle it. this message was sent at 3am over text. I told him it was very disrespectful to me that he would end things this way. We talked the next morning and were fine with being friends. He did tell me though if I responded badly he would have deleted me from everything.

Fast forward 2 weeks later. He asked me if he could come in for a haircut. Which I said was fine, me not thinking anything of it because at this moment I was fine keeping him in my life as friends. because I didn’t want to lose him. After the haircut, he hugged me and left. the next day he sent me a message later that night telling me about this amazing movie he was watching and after a few back and forth texts he sent me a message saying “I just want to be happy” He asked right after if I wanted to chat and playing games with him. we ended up talking to 4am, he also invited me over to his house later that week and of course I said yes.

After work I go to his house and we ended up just sitting on the couch eating pizza and watching childhood shows. I of course hinted that we cuddle and I would get “maybe” so I didn’t push it any further. Then he leaned over and said 5 minutes and kissed me and we cuddled for way longer than 5 minutes.

Im so terrified yet so in love with this man. I just want to tell him how I truly feel, I want to argue with him. I need it to get through his thick capricious skull.

Help me run or help me fight.


Gosh, the pain love can bring sometimes is so frustrating…because you feel in your mind that this man is not a safe place, but you feel in your heart that you want him to be…you feel in your mind that he is going to leave you again, but you feel in your heart that you want to stay…you feel in your mind that he’s going to hurt you, badly, again, but you feel in your heart that being without him will hurt worse.

It’s this crazy-making back-and-forth between your head and your heart, and you can’t make heads or tails of it…and this in-between feeling, ping ponging one way and then the other, and then to be ripped back to the other side, and then pulled the other way again…feels like you’re in this tug of war match inside of yourself…all the while, he’s giving you the same mixed signals of…“Stay! No…GO! No, please come back…No, I said GO!” It’s all too confusing for your heart to handle, and it feels like there’s pain BOTH ways, but at least one way there’s hope of things getting better, and that’s why you keep returning.

So I want you to know, first off, you’re not crazy…it feels like the choice is between: pain and certain loneliness, or pain and potential loneliness…and in that same kind of choice, I think we’re all going to make the same choice you’re making – to continue to hope things are going to get better.

But even though that’s the way the choice feels, it’s not necessarily the way the choice actually is. You see, not being in a relationship with this man doesn’t guarantee you’ll be lonely. And continuing to hope for a relationship with him doesn’t guarantee you won’t be lonely!

I think you need to take a step back and ask some of your friends to help you SEE THIS MAN CLEARLY. Because right now, all you see him through is this filter of love, and you don’t see all of the wrongs he’s causing you for what they are. You need your friends to look in from a third party perspective, people who know the situation, and speak truth into your heart. And then when they do you need to listen! Because the reality could be:

–> this man is no good for you – even though parts of him are, the whole is not
–> this man is worth fighting for because we’ve seen the love he gives you
–> or this man needs to heal and you need to let him go right now and let your heart move on too

There are probably a few other alternatives, but at this point, you are having a hard time being in the middle of this and seeing it clearly (as we all do when we are in the middle of it too). So recruit some of your friends to help you. Uncover the truth. And then act on it whether or not you feel like it, because your heart can lead you astray sometimes in the name of love, even though it’s really leading you towards more pain.

Hope this helps!