The pain that my life is

i can’t do this. i hate telling people about my problems or having people help me because i feel selfish. and this may not seem like a big deal to everyone else but it is to me because it hurts really bad. i have depression i’ve been diagnosed since 2017 and i was first starting to feel depressed around 4th grade. i know in 4th grade you aren’t really “depressed” but i would get in trouble so much for saying i wanted to kill myself or that i was gonna jump off a bridge. i’m still feeling this 5 years later. it hurts. it physically hurts. the amount of pain i’ve had to carry is having a huge impact on me. my dad met this girl a while ago and at first she helped me but she’s gotten comfortable and she’s starting to ruin my life. my depression got better in 2018 until around june. i’m scared to tell my parents about because i don’t wanna get my phone taken away, which is what they do. and no it’s not so i can go on instagram or go on snapchat it’s so i can talk to my friends. the ones that actually help me. i have a therapist. i take medication. i’ve been to the hospital once around december last year. none of this has worked. in march i got my phone taken away for self harming. which i’ve been doing since 6th grade. i told my guidance counselor and told him not to tell anyone and he didn’t but i wish he did. i could’ve gotten help sooner. i haven’t cut since march because i feel like i’m a horrible kid for doing it. they make me feel worthless. my brother is constantly calling me fat and a faggot and they do absolutely nothing about it. as a kid my parents got divorced and my moms life went downhill. she’s currently losing her kids, my siblings because of drugs and abuse. school is difficult right now everything is confusing and i’m never able to concentrate. i tell my therapist that things are going well but they really arent. i’m living a normal life. or at least that’s what people see from the outside. i have 2 parents (step and full) i’m living with 3 brothers i have a dog i live in a white suburban neighborhood i go to public school and i wear clothes that any normal teen would wear. my step mom is nice to me but also mean to me. she is nice but she makes snarky remarks about my suicide attempts and self harm. i realize how selfish i sound right now but i’m at my breaking point. i’ve been string up until this moment. something in me just snapped. i can’t take it. all i’m asking for is someone to help me and guide me to the right path



I’m sorry you are going through a lot. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better. I’m sorry.


Hey man you not a selfish person, it not your fault you have a mental illness. I’m 28 years and going through the same shit. But it great you open up, there people that can help. Also it fuck that you brother calls you a faggot and far, that shit is not right. If you want their mental health video you can watch online. Check out DBT videos and also don’t give up, no matter what you mental health is worth it. Stay strong man


thank you so much :))

Your feelings are valid. This depression you’re feeling is real, and there is not a single reason for you to feel selfish. If you don’t feel safe talking with your parents, try talking with a close friend. whatever you do, don’t keep these feelings to yourself. You deserve to be heard. You can do this!

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