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The plan, the relief, the stress

Lately living with my bf’s biological father’s family has not been great. Financially, they treated us well and I will always be forever grateful in that aspect. In terms of communication, it’s horrible. So much unnecessary yelling and rudeness, it makes no sense.

Bf has been sick from stress and I finally felt like I had enough today, being yelled at and accused from outside of the room over trivial matters. I suddenly felt the need to call bf’s mom, so I did (with the help of him forcing me to press the call button, haha.)

I spoke to her about our experiences honestly, and she said she’s surprised we lasted this long. I wish I could’ve moved in with them but they had no room. We came up with a plan to do our final saving up, and our families will help us move back. He’ll live with his, and I’ll live with mine. His mom worried about if my family won’t let me get a job but I have a feeling they will, considering bf won’t be there anymore.

I think living away from each other could be good for us to establish our own independence and gain confidence in our own personal decisions. We did move in with each other towards the end of our high school years after all. Bf mentioned that we could have actual dates, that was funny to think about.

We’re a step in the right direction, and I’m glad we came to that decision. We’re still so stressed living here, but atleast we have a closer to reach goal than before, and it’s much more rewarding.

Take care everyone, I hope my heartbeat steadies so I can just go to bed. :heart:

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@itsnotoveryet,

Dear friend,

You never cease to impress me! It is wonderful to see that these new decisions and perspectives are a relief to you. Although I imagine that it wasn’t easy to decide this and feel like moving backwards, but as you have described very well this is a stepping stone for something better. In the meantime, your boyfriend and you really deserve the peace you need in order to focus on you, on your goals and personal projects.

I can’t help worrying a bit about the fact that you would be with your family again, but I know you make these decisions in a way that is absolutely thoughtful. May I ask how do you feel about it though? Has your relationship with them improved or changed in some way since you’ve moved?

It is exhausting somehow when we are in the middle of all these “small steps” that seem countless in order to get where we want to be. I’ve been somehow in the middle of this as well with my partner and our desire to find a home of our own. I personally have so many steps to take before that! Pretty overwhelming sometimes, but also comforting that we are doing the right thing. I hope that these decisions are going to bring peace to you, and a next level of strength that you might need in the future.

Look at you! How brave, how thoughtful. You’ve come a long way already. And it’s a real honor to have the possibility to be by your side through it all. :hrtlegolove:

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Micro, I am always so grateful and happy to hear from you.

It does give me some relief, and it really felt like I’m moving backwards or I’m making another choice that could be wrong.

How I feel is mixed. I used to tell myself all the time that bfs life would be better if he didn’t move in with us, a lot of self loathing, so I feel relief that he’ll be with his family.
My family is loyal to the end of time, so even if I moved far away to Alaska, they would help me come back as much as they can. I worry about how my brother will control things, because that is what he does. He could use extra support from me having a job so I feel like I could get stuff done but how much? My relationship with them feels sweeter, but I feel when I come back there will still be typical outbursts…My thing is atleast bf won’t go through it, honestly. And atleast he will be actively able to save money so even if I have 5% as much as he has prepared, his individual support and resources could help us get to where we’d like financially.

Oh man, I feel your struggle, I hope you and your partner are well. Things do get overwhelming, I feel for you both. Progress takes a lot effort, especially mentally I would say.

Thank you so much Micro, it’s an honor to receive messages from you, and I’m not saying that to be nice I genuinely mean this, thank you so much. It’s hard to see any hope at times and you’ve helped me through so many dark spots. Take care friend, I am so happy to have heard from you today. :heart:

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I appreciate hearing from you too! For all of it. The positive and the less positive. There’s something special in getting to know each other through this platform. Thank you once again for sharing these parts of your life here. :hrtlegolove:

It’s understandable to feel both excitement and fear. Your willingness to see light through it and not let yourself overwhelm by fears is really admirable. You definitely have a clear vision of how it could be and what would be needed at the time.

He could use extra support from me having a job so I feel like I could get stuff done but how much?

May I ask what you mean by this? Like supporting him financially?

I really hope that your brother is not going to try to rule everything. Do you think a kind of clear conversation right before you move back there could be a way to set some clear boundaries and expectations towards one another? Kind of a way to send a message that you being back doesn’t equal that old behaviors and ways to communicate need to be the same.

I’m glad your family can be a safety net for you though. It’s so precious. My own would definitely do the same. Although I would not want to be back in their environment and patterns again, so I can imagine how mixed your feelings can be about this.

Hope your week is going very well. Thinking of you. :hrtlegolove:

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I must admit micro I read this much sooner, I just found myself getting anxiety thinking about where I used to live. We’re doing so much better now, I cannot put it into words. I can see the difference in how things are now, and the best part is my family is financially stable again so that removes some pressure.

What I meant by “supporting financially” is that we both had plans to save separately so in case I wasn’t able to, then he could atleast.

I’ve talked alot with family by now and although the decisions I made at the time felt absolutely right, it still hurts a little to think of how that affected them, despite them forgiving me and accepting me to come home. I regret how I talked about my brother, he was fighting his own demon’s like me, even though of course no one deserves that treatment I now have a clearer perspective of things. Communication is better as well.

I’m thinking of continuing to live with my family and sometime this year hopefully the plan is to buy a home. I have that tiny anxiety that wonders if things will change, though.

I also just feel really down whenever I think of the people I used to live with, ugh. I just wish I could have possibly stayed in contact with one of his siblings, but everyone there became two-faced it feels like, I was blocked by everyone but like 2 siblings. More than anything I’d just rather not associate for the better of my mental health, I’m okay with that. I just wish the best for one of them.

Apologies for the ramble. In short, I am much better and communication with family has very much improved, I learned my tough lessons and I’m grateful to be back. Thank you so much for checking up on me, you mean a great deal to me Micro and I am thankful for all of the support. I hope you’re having a great day or that it gets better, because of course it will in due time.

Take care of yourself, and I hope you are doing well :heart:

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This is completely random, but can I also just say that I always thought your profile picture was a cute little germ until I accidentally tapped on it just now! It’s very pretty nonetheless, haha!

Have a good rest of your day, friend.

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Hey friend,

I was thinking of you today. How are you? How is this life transition going? Just checking in.

I care about you. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi Micro, I think I’m doing alright, thank you so much for taking the time to check on me. I think the life transition is going steadily well. I’m doing great with family and I’m getting a job sometime soon, it will be where my brother works until I can learn how to drive, and when I can I’d like to work in a school again.

I still get anxieties about “if things will be okay forever” or will something horrible happen and I’m in state I was in that made me move out. Because of my boyfriend wanting to move back in when we can finally move into a new home, I worry if things may clash then, and I tend to worry so much about his wellbeing…I just tend to worry constantly about everything.

In my current state, I think I’m doing great, family isn’t perfect but I’m doing well with them too. I still have the same old intrusive thoughts but I am human! I’m hoping to get to do more “adulting” things soon, and I feel more hopeful that it will happen, compared to the past.

I’m sorry for not reaching out to you sooner, and thank you for all of the time and patience you have given and had for me, I am always forever grateful, thank you so much. I hope you are doing okay as well, take care, I very much care about you too :heart:

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