The process of breakup

[Thomohawk]

Hello HeartSupport world.

I figured I needed to let out my frustration, anger and confusion about such a massive part of my life and after seeing how far this community has come that this was the best place to come. Let me also state that I have organised to see a counselor but the best option is booked out for another few weeks so I needed to get this out there.

November 2019, I met this amazing young woman who very quickly became my best friend. We would talk about anything and everything with 100 percent confidence, innocence and trust. It was perfect. The beginning of a beautiful friendship.

In hindsight, it came up too quickly, sure… but we allowed it to lead into a relationship. Which was also very fun loving, dynamic and great. We loved, supported, encouraged eachother and shared our lives together.

Now, we each had a little thorn in our personalities that hindered our relationship sometimes. As no relationship is perfect, there are things and humans we work through. We promised one another that we would stay by the other’s side, no matter what. This is months of building a relationship and being absolutely confident in eachother and in God’s favour in us as well.

But one day, we were having a disagreement and she didn’t want to deal with it anymore. She broke up with me and left. 2 weeks later, called me to sit down at her house and talk everything though. We hugged. We cried. We were honest.
We sorted through everything and talked it out like adults and then a couple of days later.
“I don’t want to hear from you for 6 months.”

Excuse me?
She threw everything back in my face

I love her so I sucked it up and obliged and prayed. Prayed for change in my heart and ways to be a better man for her to come back to.

But she makes these posts on social media that clearly depict someone trying to forget everything about me. A total flip of character after everything we have been through.
I cut her off from my social media and everything but jut last night, I sent her a simple message… and she’s now blocked me completely.

Now I’m very angry, confused and even more broken. My close friends tell me that if this is how she’s carrying on, that she was never worth it.
“But we were so certain”

(Right person, wrong time maybe?) who knows?

All I know is that I’m really messed up and feel really filthy and worthless. I love this girl… it really hurts after everything we did together that she suddenly doesn’t feel the same way anymore.
I mean… that I can understand. Change is a part of life… but it’s the way she’s done it.
It’s sickening.

Please help me.

[SheetMetalHead]

Man, that sucks, and there’s no way around that. My best guess, if she was young, is that she didn’t know what she wanted and was afraid of settling down before she had seen the world, and all the glories and horrors it presents. It sounds to me like it wasn’t you, it was her; but I’ve been there, and I remember wondering: even if it is her, why is it happening to me?

Maybe she wants 6 months to go out in the world, try new things, make mistakes, and see what life is all about. That’s still not fair to you, and it’s still just a guess on my part. That doesn’t mean you have to go out on the rebound if you’re not ready. You’ve suffered a loss, and you need to grieve properly, in your own way and at your own pace. The questions you need to answer are: if she comes back after 6 months and says she wants to get back together with you, will you have her? Can you be with her without resenting her or holding her wild fling against her? Can you trust her again?

Perhaps more importantly, can you make peace with the idea that she may not come back? Some of my lowest times and most crucial missed opportunities were spent in the vain hope that exes would come back around. the healthiest course of action is to grieve at your own pace, then move on the best you can. If she comes back, you can decide if you want to be with her without a sense of desperation or emptiness. If she doesn’t, you can be okay with that and move forward.

[Thomohawk]

Thanks for this. Really needed it!