I just remember something Wings said to me. That I should be trying to get for myself not for others. That was bit ago and I’m still here trying to get clean for y friends and you guys. It’s not like I’m not trying to change that. I’m trying to do it for me and on rare moments I do but I still mainly for my friends. I’ve been trying so hard to do it for me but I still don’t see that worth in me. It’s just frustrating. I just want to be able do it for myself. I don’t even know why I want that. I wish I did but I don’t so I’m here just trying to do it for me but still only doing it for others. I’m still only trying for other people. I’m still only here for other people. Ugh it’s just so annoying and me not being able to try on skirts yesterday had put a big damper on my mood. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal but it was so devastating for me that I couldn’t do it. Sigh. I just have to wait for others to do what I want. I still am trying for them. Thanks for reading this rant. I don’t really need help which is why it’s a journal and not a support. I hope you have a great day.
Something good to make a note of in your phone to discuss with your therapist?
The twirling will happen, just be patient.
Yeah that’s another reason why I wrote this and I know it will but I don’t know why but not being able to do it yesterday hurt and hurts. It shouldn’t hurt this much. I should just be able to move on and say oh well another time but now I’m here and I feel miserable. I didn’t sleep last night because this. It shouldn’t affect me this much.
I should be fine. I just didn’t get to twirl. I just didn’t get to do that thing that you’ve been wanting to do for so long. It’s fine. It shouldn’t affect me. I should be fine
What was the reason you couldn’t do it?
I don’t exactly know. My mom said we would do it after a thing and it didn’t happen. I tried to remind her as well but it still didn’t happen. This shouldn’t hurt this much. It was just me trying a skirt in and it didn’t happen
Did you stop and think that maybe there is something going on with your Mom? She seems very accepting of all of this as we’ve talked about before. If you don’t know exactly why, then ask her why. Maybe she feels just as bad that she wasn’t able to.
I bet she does and I’m not blaming her at all. I’m not hurt by her not being able to do it. I’m just hurt and I shouldn’t be I should be fine
It’s a let down for sure, I would be sad too. But, it’s going to happen, Paladine so just be patient. You have your whole life to twirl, you do. Be loving to yourself right now and just be happy that you have accepting parents who love you.
You’re right. I just wanted to twirl so badly. I stil do. Sigh it will happen. I just have to wait. Like I’ve been doing for a long time
I can’t wait to hear about how you twirled and how freeing it will be for you. Have you practiced?
Not really. I technically have but I never thought about practicing it. It’s not that hard. Right?
I think it will come naturally 
you don’t have to worry about anything. I was just kind a picturing myself as a little girl doing it. I was actually a tomboy, but I had my moments lol
Well I won’t worry about it then. I can’t wait until I get home. Because then I could at least ask again. But ahh I can’t wait for that. God twirling is on my mind.
Yes, just ask if she is ready to help you. I was also thinking that maybe she could go thru her closet when she has time and pull out some skirts for you to try on. She could put them in your closet for you to try on when you get home from school.
That’s a really great idea. I might just do that now if my class will let me. AHhhhh. I’m freaking out about that. Haha. Man I really have like twirling madness. I might make a piece called that haha.
Ahhhhh. She said yes to the idea. I’m going to be able to try them on. I’m freaking out. I’m so happy.
That’s awesome! 
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